This book startled me. I did not expect to see such sound old fashioned writing coming from an "Evangelical." I think there are some non-KJV quotes, which I do disclaimer. Check out the KJV in each case for accuracy. Otherwise, I promise you that this book will make you do some spiritual house cleaning, and it will bless you with confidence if you are known as "too narrow." Pastors will find help in keeping a healthy marriage relationship, and all of us need to think about Keith's Day Away With God. This devotional zeal to be alone with God is grossly neglected by Narrow Way Fundamentalists these days. I think many battles are lost because we are too far from the Commander's side and mind.
If you see a real problem in teaching, which I may have missed, do send E-Mail please. I must say though, I think very highly of the zeal of John and Charles Wesley, and this book is simply a very convicting update of the Wesley devotion to Christ.
The author allows for the reproduction of this book if it is not sold. This is the spirit of a servant and explains why God can use this man.
Chapter 1. How to get rich slow.... Wealth in 12 easy steps.
Chapter 2. The most accepted sin in the church.....
The sin we all approve, even praise.
Chapter 3. Traveling light.... One woman's story of material downsizing.
Chapter 4. The seduction of nice things..... How material things can seduce even the
best of us.
Chapter 5. Anatomy of adultery.... First person stories of 'how it happens.'
Chapter 6. How to protect yourself from sexual sin.... Eight ways to defend yourself.
Chapter 7. Keeping the fire hot at home.... Secrets to good sex inside your marriage.
Chapter 8. Can a homosexual be 'cured?'.... Several theological approaches
Chapter 9. Male Spirituality..... Escaping from feminized religion.
Chapter 10. Nine thoughts about temptation.... And a strategy to beat it.
Chapter 11. Three sure-fire ways to fall into sin..... Its as simple as this.
Chapter 12. Accountability.... How to establish accountability and stick with it.
Chapter 13. How to have a Day Alone With God.... A secret powerhouse to intimacy
with God
Chapter 14. How to become a Morning Person.... Watch it, this one sneaks up on you.
Do your giving to God off the top as the first "bill" you pay. Paying God
first reminds you that everything is actually under God's control and that
you are submitting all you finances to God. God tends to bless those who
support His work. 1
Get out of debt quickly, then stay out permanently. Going into debt spends
future income for present living. This "have it now -- pay later" mentality
is neither good finances nor good Christianity. Debt-free families get a
ten to twenty percent discount on life. When you are out of debt you will
be able to spend your income on present needs and wants, not just paying
for your past living. Going into consumer debt can even mean you are paying
now for things which are already worn out or broken. It is pure "live now
-- pay later" philosophy, and essentially anti-Christian. As a Christian
you should try to get out of consumer debt at least. And, if you are really
smart, you'd go on to reduce all debt as quickly as feasible.
Pay off installment loans first, then auto loans, then home equity loans,
and finally even consider accelerated payments on your mortgage. Once you
are completely debt-free, your income will seem huge compared to what you
now have left after paying your bills. I recognize that during times of
hyper-inflation it seems smart to borrow as much as you can and pay back
with cheap dollars. However, the essential live-now-pay-later philosophy
is the same. How will you teach your teenagers to "wait" sexually if your
family has seldom waited materially?
Just because you are poor doesn't mean you're frugal. In fact, poverty sometimes
has the opposite effect. We can figure, "Since things are so hopeless, let's
live it up tonight." But the chances of developing frugality when you have
less are better than after you are rich. So start now. Perhaps you have to
be frugal just to make ends meet now. Here is a great irony. The seeds of
riches lie in poverty, if we respond right. If you are poor, and you learn
a lifetime habit of living on less, this simplicity, combined with hard work
will lead to riches. It's much harder for a rich young couple to learn frugality
than a poor couple. So, if you have little, thank God for the opportunity
to develop a life habit of frugality.
The advantage of learning frugal habits is that they are just that -- habits.
Even when you no longer "need to scrimp" you still will scrimp. Frugality
means you live on what you need, not on what you want. Frugality divorces
expenses from income and attached them to needs. The questions will be "Do
I really need it?" not "can I really afford it." It is obvious what a lifetime
effect this habit has. Once you learn the habit, your expenses will not
automatically climb each time your income increases. Thus you will begin
having more left over with every raise in pay.
Our family learned a variety of frugal habits when we had little to live
on. We purchase food wholesale in bulk -- right down to spending several
dollars on twenty pounds of salt -- which turned out to be a lifetime supply!
We accept lots of hand-me-down clothes (until our kids turned 16!). We drive
old cars which we usually sell five years later for more than what we paid
for them. But there are our personal habits. There is no one system of frugality
for all families. What we do might seem "going too far" to you. And what
you choose might seem radical to us. Each family must carve out its own frugal
practices and we can't judge each other on our own scale.
A penny saved is not a penny earned. It's more. Saved money is tax and interest
free. Besides, there is a spiritual issue here too. Living simply on purpose
keeps us closer to the basics, and thus removes the "materialistic fog" in
our lives which God has such difficulty penetrating.2
Give generously, everywhere. Sure, give to the church, but give elsewhere
too. Avoid falling into the trap of considering your church giving your total
contribution to giving. We in the organized church often leave the impression
that stepiano coversdship and generosity are synonyms for church-giving. We forget
to emphasize how Jesus taught a life style of giving to all, not just to
organized religion. Of course, the Church needs money. But limiting your
giving to the church while you shut off generosity to other individuals will
produce a stingy pattern of giving. If you shut up your compassionate heart
to a friend at work, even though you are paying your tithe, how can the love
of God be in your heart. Christian generosity runs deeper than giving to
organizations for tax credit. It includes an over all spirit of giving which
starts at Church but extends to all people. If you practice this kind of
generous life style God will bless you with even more to give.
Hard work and money are connected. Yes, you might get "lucky" sometime and
make money without working very hard. But basing life on a "lottery mentality,"
expecting to get rich without hard work, is not Christian. Work hard, give
a fair days work... plus a little more, for a fair day's pay. Avoid laziness,
which will guarantee poverty. In fact, forget the association between hard
work and money all together, and just focus on working hard. Learn to enjoy
hard work. Teach your kids to work hard... even if they complain at first.
One you develop the habit of always working extra, money will seek you out.
Money gravitates topiano coversd work.
Many young families practice the philosophy, "If you need it, buy it." As
soon as the old washing machine breaks, we rush out to get a new one simply
because "the wash is piling up." We wouldn't think of going without a TV
for a few months if the old one breaks down. Instead, we rush out the very
next day to frantically replace it. We just don't give God time to work.
Rather than making an immediate purchase, if we would put everything on hold
for a couple of weeks, God might save us the price of a new washer. Perhaps
he will send a friend your way who will "take a look at it" only to find
a simple connection problem which he fixes for free. Or after a couple of
visits to the laundromat you'll find someone who says, "Hey, we've got an
old washer we're selling for five dollars if you'll haul it away." That washer
will last you for five more years. Or your husband (who's never even seen
the inside of a washing machine) will take the back off and fiddle with it
a while and when he puts it back together it works perfectly (and he the
pretends he knew how he fixed it!) Or a repairman might fix it for far less
than you could get a new one. Or maybe even the washing machine just fixes
itself and mysteriously starts working again in a few weeks! These things
happen! We've seen each of them. But it takes time. The point is, waiting
a while may eliminate the need to buy something new at all.
Delaying major purchases also gives God time to work in your own mind. What
you now feel is an absolute necessity may not seem so important after a
three-week cooling off period. Sometimes, God does not provide the wanted
item. Instead he changes your desire to have it. Either way He fully provides
your needs.
Saving is not the first smart financial step. The first step is getting out
of debt. Once you quit "having it now; paying for it later" you can take
the second step: "Having it now paying for it now" -- living off your current
income. Only when you get out of debt and are living on what you make, should
you move to the third step: "Paying for it now; having it later." This third
step of delayed gratification is probably what we all should have started
out with. But most of us come to it more slowly, and thus get rich much later
in life than those who practice this discipline from the beginning. "Third
step saving" practices let you enjoy the anticipation of having something
in the future, while you save up for it. Looking forpiano coversd to the purchase
is sometimes as fun as having the thing itself. And there is a side benefit.
Sometimes after saving up for so long, you understand the real cost and it
is impossible for you to shell out the cash to buy it. How many of us really
would plunk down $20,000 cash for a new car? In cash? If we all bought cars
with saved up cash, Detroit would become a ghost town! But don't worry, most
people won't even read this book. And most of the people who do read it will
ignore this advice anyway, so there'll still be plenty of jobs for your Michigan
friends.
How to save? Initially start saving up for major purchases -- a TV, Major
appliances, big vacation, second car, and finally maybe even your family
car. Some even say you should save up for a house, but this certainly can't
apply to everyone. The idea here is to start saving something. Like
church-giving, it is a statement you are making which flows against the
have-it-now-pay-later philosophy of life.
Seeking wealth is self-defeating. The more you chase it, and the more you'll
get, but the less satisfied you'll be. There will always be somebody richer
than you. If you want to get rich -- either quick or slow -- you are on a
slippery slope. Instead, seek to serve others, to work hard, to seek God's
kingdom first... and money will get added as you travel along. Money is a
by-product of service and work.
Sometimes spending more money now will save you money later. A good pair
of shoe trees might cost more now, but give you an extra few years life on
your shoes. When we built our home we added additional insulation and geo-thermal
heat. These long-haul investments cost more at first, but pay back dividends
increasingly as long as we live in the house (and to our successors, and
the environment).
Most of us live so much for the present that we seldom have the cash to make
long-haul decisions. This is how the "rich get richer; the poor get poorer."
It is a deadly cycle. Not inventing the cash to make long-haul decisions
now simply ensures we won't have the cash later to make other long-haul
decisions.
Being the independent folk we are, most of us hate to borrow or rent something.
Our own self-reliance demands we "get one for myself." True, sometimes it
is better to purchase an item -- if over the years it will "pay for itself."
But often we simply want to have it now. However, in figuring this out we
need to be careful. I hate renting things, so I can always crunch the figures
enough to prove I can justify buying something for myself.
I don't like borrowing either. It seems so humiliating, almost unbiblical,
doesn't it? Many of us figure Ben Franklin's proverb, "Neither and borrower
or lender be" is somewhere in the Bible.
But borrowing and loaning makes good sense, especially for Christians. After
all, early Christians did not consider anything they had as their own and
shared everything with each other.3 And Jesus instructed us to never turn
away those who would borrow from us.
As for Jesus, consider his life: He was born in a borrowed stable, raised
by a borrowed Dad, got several key disciples he borrowed from John the Baptist,
taught from a borrowed boat, slept on borrowed mats, multiplied a borrowed
lunch, rode into JerBliplem on a borrowed donkey, held the last supper in
a borrowed room, died on a borrowed cross and was buried in a borrowed
tomb.
Of course, we shouldn't be an irresponsible moocher. 4 But borrowing saves
you money over the long haul, and lending saves others money. When Christians
borrow and lend it releases more money for the Kingdom of God, eliminating
duplicate expenses all over town for items which could be loaned to each
other.
If your children are still at home, start early teaching them these principles.
Give them an allowance as soon as they have felt material needs (the day
they reach out grasping for something at the store). Remind them to take
along their money when you go to the store. Let them choose how to spend
it, even on foolish purchases. It is better for them to learn on a lost dollar
now than learn later on lost thoBlipnds.
As they grow older help them earn money beyond your parental welfare payments.
Teach them the connection between hard work and money. Let them learn the
principles of giving, blessing, and saving by practicing them. Though you
should remind them from time to time, don't protect them from failures. If
they squander all their money on some frivolous purpose and wind up broke
the day the deposit for their school's ski trip, don't bail them out. Such
pain will be a life time lesson. (Actually this lesson is better taught when
the child is a pre-schooler with their allowance -- then more principles
they learn before age 8 the better.)
By the time they are teenagers you might be able to teach them business
principles as well -- (1) Capital formation -- saving or borrowing money;
(2) Investing capital -- purchasing equipment or products with which to make
money; (3) Labor -- working with the equipment or products; (4) Value-adding
-- making the product or service of greater value by applying labor (5) Mark-up
-- selling for more than you paid for it; (6) Profit -- the net dollars "clear"
made on the product or service. These lessons will carry your children through
their lifetime if you take time to teach them now.
My oldest son, David started learning these principles in seventh grade by
borrowed money to purchase a cassette tape duplicating machine. He began
copying tapes for churches, a college and various traveling speakers. He
paid off the loan in several months and was able to make enough to save up
enough cash to buy a second machine. He continued to duplicate tapes, sometimes
himself, sometimes hiring others to work for him. By his junior year of high
school he had made and saved enough money for a down payment on a house in
the town where he intended to go to college. He sold the tape business, purchased
the home and has rented it out with a positive cash flow ever since. The
income helps him through the rest of his high school and college years.
In seventh grade my youngest son John bought a trailer load of landscaping
mulch which he packaged in large bags to sell door to door for cash income.
(We had moved to the country so he had space to store it!) Beside this immediate
cash flow project we are helping him plant a thoBlipnd tiny trees every spring
break in the field behind our house. He intends to sell them in 6-10 years
to pay for his college.
These are just one family's ideas. To some these ideas sound wild and impossible.
To others they are minimal. The point is that every family has some way their
daughters and sons could make money. Just look around you. There are jobs
for teenagers at fast food establishments, and shopping malls. The are
babysitting needs near you. There are even businesses they could run themselves
with a little encouragement from a parent or grandparent. What ever you do,
your kids can learn that money is related to hard work.
Really! He can do it. God doesn't need your money -- you need His. If you
really believe He owns it all, then He can bless you with some of it if He
wants to.5 Can he trust you? Are you a good investment? Will you simply waste
it all on yourself? Or will the things closest to His heart get your support.
What evidence does God have that you are so faithful in handling what He's
already given you, so He should bless you more?
It is my experience that God blesses people who "can handle it." If you follow
the above principles for years, the natural results are that you will become
rich. The principles and practices themselves produce wealth. But beyond
that, God sometimes chooses to bless his good stepiano coversds with bonus blessings.
These are undeserved extras He pours on top of those produced by hard work,
saving, or frugality.
Perhaps you'll sell your home after a dozen years or so for twice what you
paid for it. Maybe a friend will invite you to join him in a land purchase
and you'll make thoBlipnds of dollars in a single year. Or you might give
three weeks of your time to do a project for free -- never expecting anything
out of it -- then, ten years later it brings you thoBlipnds of dollars. You
may be praying about funds to replace your roof when a hailstorm damages
it so much that your insurance company will completely replace it at no cost
to you. Who knows, you might somehow get free use of a brand new car. Or,perhaps
a little boy you taught years ago in your Church will grow up and offer to
build a house for you at an unbelievable bargain. Are these things mere
coincidences? Could God bless you this way? He can. These things happen.
I know... each happened to me. Make the kingdom first. and who knows what
He'll add to you.
When you've followed all of the tips above, and you've kept them up for many
years, you will likely wind up rich.
That is, you will have no debt, some savings, simple needs, and your income
will be more than you spend. That is being rich. You are rich when you have
more than you need.
But, then you will have a new problem. It will be harder for you to get to
heaven. Not impossible, mind you... just harder. You will tend to trust in
your savings instead of God. You may become proud and take personal credit
for being so well off, thinking that you are smarter than every body else.
And it will be harder, not easier to give. For instance, after being so frugal
for many years, you'll have a hard time giving to anyone or an organization
who seems to waste your gift by living far higher than you do. You may get
more selfish as a rich person than you ever were when you were poor. Your
possessions will dull your spiritual fervor and "the good life" will take
the edge off your concern for the lost.
If you do wind up with more income than you need, it could poison your own
soul. In fact, if you continually pile up more riches on earth you will gradually
absorb a toxic level of materialism into your soul. You could go to hell
a rich person. What good would it be to gain the whole world and lose your
own soul?
So what should you do if you become rich? There is only one antidote to the
poison of wealth: giving. This is the only way to keep riches from destroying
your own soul. It is the only way to be rich in the afterlife. You must
habitually and freely give -- pass your money through to God's work and others.
If you can happily maintain the habit of unselfish giving, you might still
get into heaven... even if you are rich. After all, it's not impossible for
a rich person to be saved -- its just harder.
------------------------
Footnotes
1. God tends to bless those who support His work. While God's blessings are
related to our giving, getting more should not be our motive for giving to
God's work. If our motive is giving-to-get we are not giving generously but
selfishly and God loves (and blesses) a generous giver.
2. By frugality here I do not mean being cheap (buying everything so cheap
that it self-destructs and turns out being a poor investment). Neither do
I intend to suggest that Christians shouldn't buy an expensive gift at times.
Once in a while we should "break the alabaster box" and give lavishly. It
is possible to become just as materialistic in frugality as in spending.
But it's far less common. For most of us, the problem is being too lavish
on ourselves, not on others.
3. The earliest believers treated everything as common property though held
in trust by the individual for the common good. As one of their church had
a need another would sell something to meet that need(Acts 2:44-45). Further
explanation of this Christian practice of sharing occurs two chapters later
where we are told that "No one claimed that any of his possessions was his
own, but they shared everything they had"(Acts 4:32). Most of us today treat
this practice of early Christians as an aberration rather than the norm.
However, this kind of free giving, sharing, loaning and borrowing is normal
for a Spirit-filled Christian community.
4. ...irresponsible moocher. I are not recommending "living off the land"
by borrowing everything from others and abusing the privilege. Along with
borrowing goes the analogous responsibility to return the item cleaner, improved,
filled up, or fixed up. And of course, remember to return it! Make sure it
is a two way street -- that you lend as well as borrow. That means you should
buy some things to loan to others and tell them you've got it.
5. Let God bless you. We must be careful to avoid confusing God's blessing
with the false "prosperity gospel." God can and does bless His children but
not always materially. To expect riches as a rightful inheritance because
we are His children is presumption. Remember, He gave His son a cross.
Nevertheless, God does often bless His children with more than they need...
sometimes even pressed down, and overflowing! If we will be patient and give
Him time to work through others, He sometimes will bless us with far more
than we need. This is the blessing addressed here. Such blessing is not a
repiano coversd, but a tool -- for us to use as a stepiano coversd.
________________________________________________________________
From: Money Sex & Spiritual Power by Keith Drury
keithdrury@aol.com
(c) 1992 Wesley Press
Only not-for-sale copying of this chapter is permitted. All other rights
reserved.
To purchase full book or leader's guide, call 1-800-4 WESLEY (1-800-493-7539)
_________________________________________________________________
At coffee break one morning, I heard about a prayer meeting where the people
were asked to quote their favorite verse. One fellow in that prayer meeting
piped up with, "I don't remember where it's found, but I like the one that
goes, 'Treat yourself to the best.'"
He failed to quote the rest of the verse..."Treat yourself to the best...chew
Mail Pouch Tobacco." He'd read it one the side of a barn, not in the Book
of Books. Too many Christians are getting their theology off the side of
the barn instead of from God's Book. The Book says, "Deny yourself, take
up your cross, and follow me." The barn says, "I take care of myself," "I'm
worth it," "I can afford it," or "I deserve it." The barn produces books
like, How to Get What You Want, Winning Through Intimidation, Looking Out
For Number One, Pulling All the Strings. But the Book stands firm...and says,
"If any man would be my disciple, let him deny himself, take up his cross,
and follow me."
We live in a culture which tells us it is okay to crave more...this is the
American way. The dominant value of our culture is, "What will I get out
of it?" We are being told that true meaning in life will come through the
acquisition of more things. Our income must rise each year. Our net worth
should go up. Television delivers a nightly diet of hard-core materialistic
pornography...blatantly promoting lust for possessions.
It is a lie. The Book describes the true believer as one who is able to swim
upstream against his culture... especially in this matter of money and
possessions.
In the book Disciple, Juan Carlos Ortiz says we have invented the fifth gospel
We know of the Gospel according to Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. But we've
invented a fifth gospel...the "Gospel according to St. Evangelical." "We
take all the verses we like -- all those offering something, promising a
benefit, focusing on what we get -- and we make a systematic theology of
these verses." We wind up with the theology of the money changers. The gospel
of the big offer. The gospel of the hot sale. We like this gospel of Aladdin's
Lamp... we think we can rub the Lord with little bit of prayer and get anything
we want.
Sure we should be concerned about secular humanism in our schools. But we
should be more concerned about secular materialism in the Church. Whole movements
are springing up based on this fifth gospel. We are being taught that if
our faith is strong enough, we can have anything we want from God. They teach
us that as children of the King of Kings, we should expect to be prosperous.
And some of the evangelical movement has adopted this theology, or at least
part of it. It sounds good to us. It soothes our consciences. It's clever
to make God the great errand boy in the sky. Like the medieval people who
thought the earth was the center of the universe, we have come to act as
if man is the center of the universe, and God and Jesus Christ and all the
angels revolve around us just waiting to relieve our latest headache, get
us a lucrative job, or find us a convenient parking space.
We are wrong. God is at the center of all. And He has more important things
to do that make your life more convenient. He says, "If any man would be
my disciple, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me."
Naturally, this prosperity gospel appeals to many. People like to be told
"God want you to prosper." It is a special problem in North America where
we sanctify anything that works. This teaching seems to bring many into the
kingdom of God... or at least into the organized church.
One does not need to travel far to see that we are pretty impressed with
the fifth gospel. Evangelicals have become a church of the middle class,
maybe even upper middle class in some places. Our church buildings are not
longer located across the railroad tracks. Our members dress well and live
in tidy, suburban homes. They drive carefully-maintained recent model cars...
maybe even two or three cars. We can look at ourselves and congratulate us
on our remarkable uppiano coversd mobility - "we've come a long way, Baby."
But are we in danger of becoming just another middle class group which sanctifies
the cultural values and waters down Christ's call to radical discipleship?
Have we become too impressed with wealth and power? Have we adopted the culture's
dominant value of "What will I get out of it?"
And let's quit kidding ourselves...we even tithe to ourselves. We plead for
people to give offerings to God, then we spend it so that we may have softer
pews, nicer carpeting, excellent handball courts, and better air conditioning.1
Does God need these things? I know of one church where they passed a rule
and hung up a sign stating "no outsiders may use this church gym." No wonder
there is a movement to tax churches -- many of us have become little more
than ingrown social clubs organized for our own benefit. Some churches have
even figured out how to make missions offerings benefit themselves. They
simply dip into the missions offerings for their own expenses for "local
missions" including bus ministries or VBS or even to finance the pastor and
board's missionary tour expenses. It is not uncommon for a local church's
"missions budget" to have as much as 25% of the money actually never leave
the local church.2
Is it any wonder the world doesn't take us seriously? We are caught up in
the same rat race as they are. We desperately grasp to better ourselves
materially, while at the same time we mouth spiritual platitudes like "Only
what's done for Christ will last." This is secular materialism at its worst.
It doesn't matter what we say. Materialism is living as if the material matters
most.
Into the midst of our secular materialism marches the timeless Christ with
His command, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, take up
his cross, and follow me." We have accepted the concepts, "Take care of
yourself," "Love yourself," "Be yourself," and "Find yourself." Jesus says,
"Deny yourself."
There is precious little self-denial among us today. I dislike self-denial.
Do you? Take fasting, for instance.
We call it "fasting" when we go without a meal. We can't bring ourselves
to deny our physical longings for food for even a few days or a week for
the sake of our spiritual welfare or for lost souls.
But the denial Jesus calls for is deeper than going without one meal a week
or giving up ice cream for Lent. In fact, it is more than self-denial. It
is denial of self. Christ is saying, "if you want to follow me, you'll have
to make a deliberate choice to put God first, others second, and you must
get at the end of the line."
We don't like being at the end of the line. The world says put yourself first,
others second, and if you have a little room at the end, make a nice, little
place for Jesus. God says the opposite.
Is it any wonder that most churches have not experienced a spiritual revival?
It is Jesus who said, "If you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly
wealth, who will trust you with true riches?" (Luke 16:11) Can't we recognize
the fact that if we are not faithful in handling our money and possessions,
God will not grant us true riches -- spiritual riches? The use of our money
is the best single indicator of our level of commitment. And for most of
us, that means we fail miserable...for we spend most of our money on ourselves,
and at best give God a 10% cut.
Jesus calls us to a different and radical life-style. Jesus has called us
to abandon the world's materialistic life-style -- an endless quest for more.
He calls us to adopt a new approach to living -- denial of self for the sake
of the unfinished task of declaring the gospel worldwide, and caring for
those who are needy.
But why? Why should you live on less that you earn? Why should you forgo
that second car for the sake of a missionary's salary? Why7 should you get
rid of that comfortable stack of possessions for the sake of extending the
kingdom of Christ? There are at least four reasons:
God said, "Do not steal," and "Do not commit adultery." But it was the same
God who said, "Do not pile up treasures on earth." Who gave us the right
to decide which of Gods' commandments are compulsory and which are optional?
"Pile up" simply means just that -- to constantly add more to what we already
have. How many of us are guilty of a life-style of addling more possessions
to what we've already got?
I am. I remember that tiny trailer we used for our first move. Every thing
we owned fit neatly in a 4X6 foot space. Look at us now! The last time we
moved we had a whole moving van load. Little by little my family has "piled
up" things we needed or thought we did. Sure, I can look around and compare
my possessions with some others and figure I'm no worse than the next guy.
But that does not change the fact that I've piled up a bunch possessions
over the first 25 years of marriage. Piling up treasures on earth is wrong
because Jesus said don't do it. Purposefully piling up more stuff is willful
disobedience to God's commandment. (Matthew 6:19,20) This is one reason why
we Christians need to swim upstream in our materialistic culture.
Greed -- living a life largely dedicated to accumulation -- is repeatedly
listed with all kinds of "serious" sins in the scripture. Greed keeps company
with immorality, impurity, adultery, homosexuality, thievery, and the like
(Ephesians 5:5, 1 Corinthians 6:9, Colossians 3:5,6). We even remove people
from church membership for adultery, homosexual practices, or stealing. When
was the last time you heard of anyone being kicked out of the church for
being greedy? We accept greed and one of the "better" sins... even respectable.
So we sanctify greed. Until we come to accept the sin of greed as just as
serious as adultery we'll never overcome this one.
Everything I've piled up will all melt anyway. Why is it so hard to realize
that "The heavens will disappear with a roar, the elements will be destroyed
by fire"? That shiny new car, newly-painted house, brand new dishwasher,
powerful motorcycle, attractive summer cottage, efficient riding lawn mower,
stamp collection, even that electric garage door opener -- IT ALL WILL MELT!
And since everything is going to be destroyed, how then ought we to live?
(2 Peter 3:10,11)
Following a certain rich man's death a mosey guest asked the dead man's friend,
"How much would you say he left behind?" The friend answered, "Everything."
How true. If the Lord comes it all melts, and if you die first it "All goes
back into the box" like the end of a Monopoly game. You can't take it with
you.
The quest for material possession is an empty well. It is a drink that never
satisfies. If you ask the man earning $25,000 a year how much it would take
to satisfy, he will say $30,000. The man earning $50,000 will say $100,000.
The man earning $100,000 will say $250,000 On and on the quest goes. For
a life built on the acquisition of material wealth is never satisfied. It
is like drinking salt water. The more you drink the more thirsty you get.
Materialism is a mirage -- it promises satisfaction it doesn't deliver.
But the highest motivation for adopting a life-style of self-denial is for
the sake of giving. What an exciting motivation for going back to work this
Monday! "Doing something useful...[so] that [we'll] have something to share
with those in need." (Ephesians 4:28) This is "giving living." Earning money
so that I have something to share with people in need, and to extend the
gospel. This is the greatest reason for a simpler life-style.
John Wesley had a simple three-point sermon on this subject of money. His
first point: Earn all you can. This is an argument for being industrious.
Christians should be hard-working people and not lazy. The second point:
Save all you can. This is an argument for frugality, not piling up a huge
savings accounts. He was saying as you buy groceries, housing, clothing,
and other necessities, "save all you can." Be careful, be frugal, in your
spending. His third point was to reason for doing the first two: Give all
you can. This is the foundation of a Christian approach to money -- developing
a life-style of "giving living." Earning as much as I can, watching my expenses
in order to save all I can, so that I will be able to give all I can. Giving
is the antidote to materialism's poison.
So what can I do? Is it good enough for me just to feel a little twinge of
guilt while I continue the acquisition of more possessions? Should I simply
be just a bit more embarrassed about that new car, new took kit, or new summer
cottage? No, guilt will not suffice. God wants obedience in this matte, not
just confession. So, what can we do? Are there practical steps you could
actually take?
Yes, consider these steps you could take in order to bring your life into
line with God's commandment on materialism:
At least you could do this much to obey Christ's teachings. Simply get rid
of some of the stuff you've been piling up. How did you get it all? You simply
added a little bit at a time. You now have more than you ever dreamed of.
At least you can turn that process around and begin unpiling. Even a little
bit at a time.
How? Simply reverse the piling up process. When someone comes to your house
and admires a lamp -- give it to them!
If you've got two sets of wrenches find some young man who has none and give
him a set. If you haven't been playing that piano in the front room, find
someone who needs it and give it to them. This is the simplest level of response
to God's truth. Just reverse your life-style of accumulation by unloading
the stuff you've piled up.
In our early thirties my family started having regular garage sales. We would
tramp through the house and examine every possession we owned -- every shirt,
every suit, every piece of furniture, every toy, even every tool -- and decide
if we really need to keep it another year. It is amazing the pile of possessions
we would collect for our sale. Why not hold a garage sale and dedicate the
total proceeds to some worthy project? It's a start. There is not a person
reading this chapter who could not at least adopt this policy of initial
obedience to Christ's command against piling up treasure on earth.
Could it be that one of the reasons the New Testament Church was so dynamic
is, from time to time people sold a piece of property or other possession
and gave the total proceeds to the church for the distribution to the
needy?
This wasn't communism -- it was commitment. There was such a spirit of sharing
that nobody even considered anything they owned as their own -- "sure, you
can borrow anything of mine you want." And it didn't happen constantly --
just "from time to time." Maybe that's what you need to do with that summer
cottage? How about that boat you never use? Or that power saw you haven't
used for years? Are you storing furniture for some unknown reason? Maybe
you could sell it and dedicate the total amount to the Lord.
Just think of the joy you'd get out of giving stuff like this away. Do you
have any "big ticket" item you could sell or give to the Lord? Sort of like
a "sacrifice" to Him? Is this something you could do? Would it please God?
This step is more radical. Could you live on the same amount you earned this
year? How about giving yourself a wage freeze? How about making this covenant
with the Lord: "Everything above what I earned this year I will pass straight
through to You." I call this "Faith-promise living." If you make this commitment
to the Lord, watch out! When He knows His work gets 100% of the blessings
He rains down on you He often opens the windows of heaven and showers it
down! After all, based on the old tithing concept, for God's concerns to
get $100, He had to bless you with $1000. Under the "faith promise living"
concept, if God blesses you with an extra $100, His work gets it all!
My family tried this one year and we were shocked to discover the same amount
went much further, plus God seemed to pass through far more to give to others.
We were encouraged enough that we were then able to take a further step --
reducing our keeping.
We get this giving thing all mixed up. We talk about giving -- God judges
us on our keeping. The question is not "what do you give?" True stepiano coversdship
says all money which passes through my hand is God's, therefore, I will keep
as little as possible -- just what I need. When we praise a rich person's
large gift we assume that God is impressed by the largeness of the gift.
But God compares what he gave with what he kept. This is the message of Jesus'
teaching in response to the "widow's mite" incident. So the question is:
"Could you live on less next year than you lived on this year?" What if your
salary was cut by $500 next year? $1,000? Could you still make it?
Why not cut it yourself? How about committing yourself to living on less
next year than this year -- giving all the excess to God's work and needy
people? Could you try this? Maybe even for one year? My family practiced
keeping less each year for five years in a row and we were absolutely amazed
at how less income would stretch more each year. We knew we couldn't do this
forever. But we tried it a year at a time. At least it was something to do
which represented swimming upstream against our materialistic culture. Sure,
eventually our tots became teens and we had to give ourselves some raises.
But those first five years taught us the joy of living on less. They became
a benchmark of anti-materialistic living to which we both intend to return.
I'm not talking about an exercise in self-flagellation as if there is something
holy about "doing without." The purpose of living on less is not denial alone
-- it is giving in order to carry out God's work of extending the gospel
and to care for the needy.
We have dodged Christ's command to the rich young ruler in Luke 18 by saying
it was instructions to one man in one situation at one time. But what will
we do with the identical command given in Chapter 12 to the entire flock
of Christ's followers? Isn't it possible, just maybe, that God is calling
some Christians somewhere today to completely divest themselves of everything
in order to follow Him into His work? I admit that this is not Christ's call
to everyone, but shouldn't we see this happen once in awhile? When was the
last time you heard of someone "selling out" everything and giving all the
proceeds away before they went to the mission field or entered the Lord's
work? Maybe selling all and putting it the bank for retirement, but squandering
it on the poor? Not likely! I know a few stories and they are inspiring.
But if Christ actually is calling one of us to do this, most of us are joining
the ruler in walking away sorrowfully. It's just seems like too much to ask.
Is it?
Is creeping materialism getting a grip on you? Are you being helplessly towed
downstream in our materialistic culture? But is the command of Jesus clear
to you? Then, what single step could you take to begin swimming against the
current of our culture? Is there at least a tiny beginning step you could
take? Why not start today? Now?
What could you do to begin?
__________________________
footnotes
1. Does God need these things? Obviously not. However they can be used for
God's work. The point here is not that these things are wrong, but that they
can be selfish.
It is to remind us that even our giving can be beneficial to ourselves. Little
giving is of the "beyond-ourselves-nothing-in-return" type.
2. Selfish missions giving. While the practice of diverting missions money
into locally beneficial needs is increasingly common and accepted , it is
sometimes dishonest and perhaps even illegal unless each individual giver
knows exactly where it's going. A "World outreach offering" raised right
after hearing a passionate appeal from a foray missionary may suggest to
the giver that the money is going to foreign missions. Unless the giver has
been given clear information about where the money is going, such offerings
are at least dishonest, and at worst illegal. If a giver knows part of the
money is going to buy a photocopy machine for the church office "to copy
missionary letters" at least it is honest.
This is not to say that foreign missions is itself not selfish at times.
True, some missions organizations use the money they receive primarily for
their own staff's benefit and little soul-saving results. But this is no
excuse for a local church to use the romance of "world evangelism" to raise
more money for their own needs. This approach will simply teach people to
figure out ways to "tithe to themselves" personally like the one ministerial
student I heard of who tithed to a fellow ministerial student -- using his
Tithe to "support someone preparing for the ministry." The other student
reciprocated and "tithed" his income back to the first student -- what a
handy way to tithe to yourself! Churches should be above these kinds of
shenanigans. (So should ministerial students!)
________________________________________________________________
From: Money Sex & Spiritual Power by Keith Drury
keithdrury@aol.com
(c) 1992 Wesley Press
Only not-for-sale copying of this chapter is permitted. All other rights
reserved.
To purchase full book or leader's guide, call 1-800-4 WESLEY (1-800-493-7539)
_________________________________________________________________
We learned a life-changing lesson about money while hiking the Appalachian
Trail for three months as a young couple. It was only one week after we were
married that my husband began talking about taking a great trek on the famed
Appalachian Trail in the eastern part of the United States. It had been a
life-long goal of my husband. The dream eventually infected me too. But the
timing wasn't right. We had schooling to complete, bills to pay, and life
to get on with.
Then our chance came. My husband had finished seminary, and we seemed to
be in an interim year. The old dream of trekking on the Appalachian Trail
was resurrected. Soon we were in our parents' basement amidst a myriad of
backpacking paraphernalia sorting out what to take and what to leave behind.
Moccasins to lounge around in after a day in stiff hiking boots would be
so comfortable -- I packed them in. A tiny transistor radio to keep in touch
with the outside world, especially for weather reports -- in it went. A small
bag of essentials that formed my basic make-up kit -- definitely. I was intent
on making my 3-month journey in the woods as comfortable as possible.
One by one we carefully packed each item. Satisfied that we had everything
we needed, I shouldered my pack and weighed in. Subtracting my own weight,
I found my pack weighed about 40 pounds. My husband's pack weighed in at
almost 50 pounds. Neither of these were extraordinarily heavy according to
the prevailing wisdom of our backpacking friends. We lifted them to our backs,
tightened the waist strap snugly, and walked around a bit. They actually
felt fairly comfortable. At least in the basement where we'd packed them.
Carrying them on the trail was quite another matter. The next day we started
our three month trek at Springer Mountain, Georgia, where the Appalachian
Trail begins (or ends if you are traveling south). It was a foggy, cold March
morning when we saw our first white-painted trail markings that would lead
us north topiano coversd our goal. Our spirits were high as we signed the hikers'
register, proudly listing our destination as the Susquehanna River, 1,000
miles to the north. Tears welled up in my husband's eyes as his life-long
dream came to reality.
The euphoria quickly wore off. Most of the Appalachian Trail is uphill. I
suppose there were downhill sections, but I can't remember any! We trudged
along each day from dawn until dusk. At the lean-to's, where we spent each
night, we collapsed into our sleeping bags, sometimes too exhausted to make
supper. Through several snowfalls we plodded along with icy feet. We thought,
"How could things get worse?"
Then the spring rains came. Our clothes, socks, and shoes stayed soaked for
days on end as we slogged northpiano coversd to our goal. Each day would begin by
crawling out of damp sleeping bags and pulling on cold soaked clothes which
had not dried out one bit overnight.
And our backs ached under the burden of our heavy packs. All we looked forpiano coversd
to was our next hourly rest stop. We began expanding these planned 10-minute
stops to 30, 40 minutes... eventually to an hour. We dreaded heaving those
heavy packs on our backs again. We soon lost all interest in taking the side
trails to the many panoramic views along the Appalachian Mountain Range.
Yet we plodded on for some strange reason.
I remember one time during this period when my husband, who was leaning forpiano coversd
under his towering load, asked, "Why in the world are we doing this?" I too
was bent over looking at the path beneath me. I cynically replied through
clenched teeth, "Why dear, it's to see the scenery!"
Then we learned the secret of joyful backpacking: The lighter the load, the
greater the joy. How ironic. The very things we had packed to make our journey
comfortable had become the burdens which drained our joy away. I remember
the crisp evening when the whole thing caved in on us. We began seeing all
the possessions we were toting as enemies -- not friends -- of our comfort.
That very evening, we spread out every single item in our packs and decided
which were truly essential in light of their weight.
The results were shocking. All at once my little radio didn't seem necessary
any more. Sure, it was handy, but hearing the reports didn't change anything
-- it still rained the next day just the same. Out went the radio. My lounging
moccasins, which had seemed so important when I packed them several weeks
before, went in the luxuries pile along with the radio. My husband's fancy
little Swiss knife with a dozen blades and gadgets to do just about anything
you could imagine -- well, you can guess where that went. My small make-up
kit that I had included to maintain my self-dignity in the woods -- well,
I kept that. Some things are clearly necessities!
We had quite a bonfire that night. Our luxuries -- formerly necessities --
went up in smoke. The items which wouldn't burn were packed in a special
place to give away later. (There were several Boy Scouts who eagerly accepted
our gifts, never recognizing they then had to carry them out!) A few days
later, we walked out to a post office and sent home a whole bag of
nonessentials.
What a difference! We could now swing our packs onto our shoulders from a
standing position instead of sliding into our burdens sitting down then
staggering to our feet. No longer were we bent over under enormous loads.
We begin keeping a list of the new birds we were seeing -- for the first
time. At almost every side trail, we would quickly scamper down to drink
in the delicious views of the Appalachian valleys below.
Cutting our weight became a regular diversion for us. We carefully compared
the weight of every food item we purchased each week. We began discarding
all the paper wrappings, boxes, and unnecessary portions of food products.
We got rid of our little stove and began cooking on an open fire. We even
burned the day's section of our guidebook each night to save the weight of
two or three pages!
The more we did without, the more we realized we could do without. When we
crossed the Susquehanna River three months later, I was carrying only 12
pounds, and Keith carried an 18 pound pack. We had discovered the joy of
backpacking -- traveling light. While the Appalachian Trail experience provided
a vast treasury of memories and gave our marriage a special common bond,
it also taught us a lesson about possessions.
Then we settled down. My husband got an assignment working with our
denominational headquarters, and within a month of completing our trek on
the Appalachian Trail we had moved to Indiana. We rented a house, retired
our packs to the attic, and began settling into a new routine.
The needs of a normal life were far more sophisticated than trail life. Take
clothing for instance. On the trail, I had reduced my needs to one change
of outfits. Now, as a secretary in an academic community, it seemed I needed
seven or maybe even ten outfits as a minimum requirement. Soon my closet
began overflowing, and extra outfits had to be stored in the hall closet.
We kept the hand-me-down furniture for the family room when we bought new
living room furniture. Then, of course, there was the kitchen to outfit with
a mixer, toaster oven, dishwasher, blender, food processor, everyday dishes,
and special china. All of these seemed like "basic essentials." And, after
ten years, we got an electric garage door opener it seemed so essential!
We eventually and bought a house, a bit bigger than the one we had rented
-- after all, we had a child to care for now. Later, we moved to Indianapolis
and built our own house -- larger still, since "we have two teens and my
mother-in-law with us now.
Little by little, we accumulated the ingredients of a comfortable life. Sure,
we both work hard and take care of our things, but was this really what God
wanted for me? Would I ever be done fixing up my house? Was I really happier
than ever before? Several Christian speakers addressed the issue of materialism.
I cringed. For awhile, at least.
What finally hit me was God's Word itself. Jesus had simply addressed the
issue with, "Do not pile up treasures on earth." I had read the verse before,
but I'd always been pretty clever in interpreting it to fit my own life-style.
I twisted it to mean, "Do not pile up a big pile of treasures on earth,"
satisfied that my pile was smaller than some of my friend's pile. Or I had
read it, "As you pile up treasures on earth, do not become attached to them,"
priding myself in holding things lightly, having committed them all to the
Lord. But the Word kept coming back in the simplicity of a clear command:
"Do not pile up treasures on earth."
One of the ways I have always been able to tell God is speaking to me is
that I keep seeing or hearing a truth everywhere. Here it was in a book I
had borrowed. Now again it jumped out from a message by a visiting speaker.
Then it surfaced in a magazine article. But most of all, verses kept popping
out of the scripture: "If we have food and clothing, let us be content" (1
Timothy 6:8). "Contentment also includes my garage door opener, doesn't it,
Lord?" "Be on your guard against all kinds of greed" (Luke 12:15). "Who,
me, Lord? Greedy?" "Put to death...sexual immorality, impurity, lust, even
desires, and greed, which is idolatry." "Lord, why put an innocent thing
like greed in with those really serious sins?"
Then the truth came back to me again. The Lord took me back to my Appalachian
Trail experience. He seemed to say, "The truth is the same -- the greatest
joy comes to those who travel light." A light went on in my head. I kept
falling into the same trap again. I was assuming that all these things would
produce a more comfortable trip -- yet they were loading me down and draining
the joy of traveling through this earth. Even when we had accumulated a houseful
of nice things, they didn't seem to satisfy -- we still "needed" more.
Now the real work began. What were really necessities? What things could
we sensibly get rid of? What things were legitimate aids in our ministry
to others? How much should we subject our children to? What should we keep
until the kids are gone? What do we need to care for my mother-in-law. What
is an investment and what is an expense? How far should we go?
None of these answers come easily. We continue to struggle with most of them,
sometimes every day. But it's the painful struggle that gives me the peace
afterpiano coversds. I know that I'm not being led by hollow, simplistic answers that
won't last. I have a God-given conviction that brings continuing joy. Yet
I still struggle with how far to go.
"Doing without" has become a part time hobby for my family. I don't mean
to say that we are poor, we're not -- we're rich by God's standards. And
we don't do without because we somehow get a gruesome kick out of self-denial
itself. It is the giving that produces the kick, not the denial. When my
family can go without new car knowing that some hungry kids are staying alive
instead, that brings joy. And I can forego a new outfit when I know that
the proceeds are going to support a missionary to Asia. My family happily
eats lots of rice, knowing that it releases more money to give away to others
in need. I finally gave my piano away, considering I seldom play it. I don't
mean to say that I've conquered materialism. I struggle with these temptations
almost every day. I'm still rich. But at least we're headed in the right
direction.
Have you been thinking about this subject recently? Has the Lord been dealing
with you, too? Is it an issue that keeps popping up here and there? Are you
too burdened down by a bunch of stuff which merely makes the journey more
laborious? If so, why not start unpacking it and giving it away. Who knows,
maybe you'll enjoy the trip much more with a lighter pack!
________________________________________________________________
From: Money Sex & Spiritual Power by Keith Drury
keithdrury@aol.com
(c) 1992 Wesley Press
Only not-for-sale copying of this chapter is permitted. All other rights
reserved.
To purchase full book or leader's guide, call 1-800-4 WESLEY (1-800-493-7539)
_________________________________________________________________
I like nice things. I know, Preaching and writing against materialism is
one of my specialities. But, still, I really do like nice things. I like
quality, excellent, even luxurious things much more than simply adequate
things.
For instance I like nice cars, especially new ones. I love to ride in one
of those high quality automobiles with leather upholstery and deep carpeting.
What luxury! And the smell of a new car... heavenly! I enjoy feasting my
eyes on a brand new car sitting there with gleaming still-unmarred paint.
Just think how nice it would be to have it. I like nice cars.
I like nice houses too. For years our family rented a tiny 900 square foot
house. Then we settled into a comfortable house quite a bit larger. Best
of all, it had a nice 2-car garage complete with a large workbench. After
years of repairing my car on an open driveway during frigid Indiana winters,
having a piano coversm garage was... well, nice. The we moved again. As we were planning
to build our own house I discovered a basement was "cheap space." I have
always wanted a basement where and I could play ping pong with my sons, maybe
even have a work bench where it's piano coversm. So we added a basement in our new
house. I like having a basement. It's nice.
I like nice books too. I'm a preacher, so it is part of my job to read and
study. When I started out I had three or four shelves of books, mostly my
college textbooks and a few used ones I bought from a retiring preacher.
Over the years I've accumulated quite a nice collection of religious books,
especially on the holiness movement. I especially like the feel and smell
of a brand new set of commentaries, to say nothing of how impressive they
look on my shelf. And, though I know a paperback book is quite as good as
the hard-back edition, I much prefer the feel of a nice hardbound book. I
love buying books -- even more than reading them. Books are nice.
I like nice motels too. In my work I travel a lot. I've stayed in plenty
of second rate motels -- the kind where you do your own dusting before you
unpack. I've even carried my own can of Lysol a few times. But sometimes
I get to stay in a first class hotel. Oh, I do love it! Everything sparkles
so. The towels are so thick and rich, and the beds so firm. No leftover hairs
on the bathroom floor, and even the tub is so fresh and clean. And I love
those two little bottles of stuff for your hair. I always keep that cute
little sewing kit, and sometimes even the courtesy shoe horn. It's all so...
well, nice.
Perhaps most of all, I like toys. I'm a sucker for the things that light
up a man's eyes: canoes, chain saws, pick up trucks, electronic gadgets,
and power tools. It's hard to explain to my wife how it feels to go down
to my workbench and have exactly the tool I need for the particular job at
hand. A few times I have even purchased tools purely on the premise that
"someday I'll certainly use that." Men's toys are nice.
What's wrong with liking nice things? Is it wrong to buy a new house, a new
car, or some new books? Is it sinful to stay in a nice hotel, or buy a gadget
or tool I think I might need?
I wish I had a clear answer to these questions. I struggle with them just
about every week. Sometimes I wish there were a list in the Bible of exactly
what standard of living was "adequate" and which purchases were luxuries.
Sometimes I feel I win over materialism, and at other times I feel I have
failed miserably. I wish there was a definite standard of living I could
be sure was OK with God. Where's the list when you need it?
There is no list. In the Bible or anywhere else. In fact, anyone who makes
a list for anybody other then themselves is out of bounds. Jesus gave us
principles about possessions and left us to apply them ourselves. While those
principles do not directly mention things like houses, cars, books, hotels,
and gadgets, they were specifically meant to be applied to just such everyday
choices.
While I struggle with decisions I make about "nice things" my family has
agreed on some guidelines about these matters. Maybe these will be helpful
to you as you hammer out your own family guidelines to resist materialism.
It's interesting how my mind works If I really want something, I can usually
figure out a very spiritual reason to get it. So, in our family we bounce
purchases off each other to bring us back to reality. If I can get my wife
to agree that a new power tool really necessary, then I know it really is!
The same is true for her when it comes to an electric dishwasher. We keep
each other honest in this respect.
Wealth itself is not wrong. Its just dangerous. Likewise, liking nice things
is not sinful, but it can quickly lead to sin. Nice things are seductive.
They tend to draw us away from God in tiny baby steps. It is not wanting
much that is sin; it is wanting more. This is materialism -- a constant treadmill
of acquisition. Getting more only to want still more.
The trend of most families today is topiano coversd accumulating. In fact, to most
the idea of having less at the end of a year than at the beginning seems
un-American at best and insane at worst. But it was Jesus who said "Do not
pile up treasures on earth." He didn't say "Be careful as you pile them up."
He simply said "do not pile them up."
When the trend in our family drifts topiano coversd adding more to what we've got
(as it periodically does), then we begin making some decisions about giving
away both money and possessions to bring us back into obedience with Christ's
command. I don't mean to suggest we are constantly doing this. We seem to
gradually pile up stuff for a time, then recognize the trend and unpile a
bunch of it, only to eventually gradually pile up some more. The point is
recognize these trends early and do something about them.
When you are just dying to buy a big ticket item watch out. We have a family
rule that all decisions to buy big ticket items must "marinate" a few weeks.
During this time we try to answer these five questions: 1. Why do we really
want it? 2. How it help us serve Christ better?
3. Could we borrow or rent it? 4. Will it serve us or will we serve it? 5.
What will it cost us to keep it? It's interesting how some things lose their
initial luster under such close examination.
I am not calling us all to a life of pain and suffering. Neither am I saying
that a life of self denial will somehow make you godly. Christians are to
be joyous celebrants as well as mourners and sufferers. So if you are generally
heading away from a materialistic life enjoy the trip! If someone gives you
something nice, enjoy it. If you've got a nice house, enjoy it. If God sends
you a power boat take it, then take a friend water skiing. When God serves
you the fatted calf, eat what's set before you.
Please don't get the anti-materialism message mixed up with asceticism. Life
is celebration! There are some anti-materialists who would make you feel
guilty for every possession or pleasure you enjoy. Don't listen to them and
ignore their lateral guilt. They are more like Judas, who criticized the
waste of the perfume for Jesus' feet -- "Oh, my," they grumble, "that could
have been sold for thoBlipnds of dollars and given to the poor." Poor? Sure,
poor Judas, that is. So, if you are swimming upstream against a materialistic
culture, enjoy the stuff you've still got left with no guilt. God has not
called all of us to a life of asceticism. If you are carefully watching the
trend of your life, and are constantly increasing both the amount and the
percentage of your giving, then enjoy what you've kept for yourself without
a big burden of guilt. This joy is a special repiano coversd which comes to those
who have settled the issue of materialism in their lives.
And, don't forget the purpose of the simple life: giving. I have a friend
who has a marvelous gift of making money. Everything he touches seems to
turn to gold. He once told me "Money is poison, the more I make the more
I'm being poisoned. If I don't keep sending it out the back door as fast
as it comes in the front, it would kill my spiritual life."
This is the purpose of all this talk about living on less. It is so we can
give more. Give to the needy. Give to those just starting out. Give anonymously.
Give to your neighbor. Give even when you get no tax credit. Give to your
kids. Give to your friends. give to some college student. Give to your church.
Buy a couple of Pizzas for the youth group. Give to your Christian College.
Give topiano coversd some teen going on a missions trip. Give to help plant a church.
Give to keep your camp going strong. Give to support a missionary. Give a
new dress to your pastor's wife. After all, it's only money.
Do you like nice things? I do. But I can resist the urge to get them sometimes.
Why? So I can give to others. Ironically, there's more joy in giving than
in having.
________________________________________________________________
From: Money Sex & Spiritual Power by Keith Drury
keithdrury@aol.com
(c) 1992 Wesley Press
Only not-for-sale copying of this chapter is permitted. All other rights
reserved.
To purchase full book or leader's guide, call 1-800-4 WESLEY (1-800-493-7539)
_________________________________________________________________
How does adultery "happen?" People don't just decide one day to hop in bed
and be unfaithful to their spouse. Adultery is the culminating act of a dozen
or more tiny steps of unfaithfulness. Each step in itself does not seem that
serious or much beyond the previous step. Satan draws a person into adultery
one tiny step at a time. And he does this over time so that our conscience
is gradually seared. This makes it easier to take "just one more step" thinking
such a tiny step won't hurt us.
The following "15 steps" which anaylize how adultery "happens" are based
on scores of interviews, counseling, and correspondence with church folk
who fell into unfaithfulness. Our question: "How did this happen... what
were the tiny steps which led to this mess?" While the order varied from
case to case, the following is the general progression which surfaced in
most incidents. This is not some sort of theoretical list. These are the
actual steps taken by scores of church people who wound up committing adultery
and regretting it later. Some of these people sobbed deeply as they shared,
hoping that their own pain and failure might save other marriages. This
information comes to you at great expense.
This chapter doesn't have any preaching or analysis... that is left to you.
Here we offer you cold word-for-word quotes. You and your Sunday School class
can draw out the lessons. How did these lives get ruined? How does it
start?
"We just had so much in common, it was uncanny."
"She and I both enjoyed music, and we were attracted to each other."
"He was so spiritually-minded... I'd been looking for someone to share my
spiritual struggles with."
"We both loved horses, and started riding together."
"We both shared a burden for the church and especially children's work."
"She was the first woman I'd ever met who liked the outdoors, even hunting
and fishing -- I was fascinated!"
"My husband wasn't interested much in spiritual things, but this man knew
so much about the Bible."
"She was slim, attractive, and dressed sharp -- quite a difference from my
wife who didn't take care of herself much at that time."
"She was so understanding and would listen to me and my hurts -- my wife
was always so busy and rushed that we didn't have the time to talk.
"My husband just would never communicate -- he'd come home from work and
just sit there watching TV. I finally gave up on him. Then this man came
along who was worlds apart from my husband -- he was gentile, loved to talk,
and would just share little things about his life with me."
"He understood how I was feeling and offered me the empathy I was hungering
for."
"She was there when I needed her."
"My ego was so starved for affirmation that I would have taken it from anyone
-- I guess that's what started the whole thing."
"No one had ever really believed in me until he came along. He encouraged
me, inspired me, and believed so deeply in what I could become."
"My wife was busy with the kids and not at all involved with my work. This
girl admired me and treated me like I was really somebody. It felt so good."
"I used to dread going to work, but after we started our friendship, I would
wake up thinking of how I would see him later that day... it seemed to make
getting up easier."
"I would think of being with her the whole time I was driving to work."
"I found myself thinking of him as I got dressed each morning, wondering
how he would like a certain outfit or perfume."
"I looked forpiano coversd to choir practice every week because I knew he would be
there."
"Every time I drove by her house I would think of her and how we'd see each
other that Sunday."
"When my wife would ask if she was with the group I'd pretend I couldn't
remember... right there I started building a wall between us."
"I would act like I was going to practice with our ensemble, but actually
I was practicing a duet with him."
"Once my wife asked about her, but I denied everything, after all, we hadn't
done anything wrong yet. Now I see that this was one of those exit points
where I could have come clean and got off the road I was speeding down."
"Whenever we got together as couples I would act like I didn't care about
him, and afterpiano coversd I would even criticize him to my husband. I guess I was
trying to hide my real feelings from my husband."
"I could tell from the way she looked at me. She would gaze directly into
my eyes, then furtively glance down my body then back into my eyes again
-- I knew then that she was interested in more than my friendship. But, I
was so flattered by her interest that I couldn't escape."
"Then we started teasing each other, often with double-meaning kind of things.
Sometimes we'd tease each other even when we were together as two couples.
It seemed innocent enough at first, but more and more we knew it really did
mean something to us."
"We would laugh and talk about how it seemed like we were "made for each
other" so much. Then we'd tease each other about what kind of husband or
wife the other one would have been if we'd married each other."
"He had those killer eyes. When he'd look at me in that "special way" I would
just melt. It was hopeless fighting my urges -- he had me."
"We would talk about things -- not big things, just little things which he
cared about, or I was worried about."
"We'd meet together for coffee before church and just talk together."
"I was having problems with my son and she seemed to understand the whole
situation so much better than anyone else I talked with. I'd tell her about
the most recent blow-up and she would understand so well. We just became
really deep friends -- almost soul-mates. That's what's so weird about all
this -- we never intended for it to go this far."
"I had lost my Dad just before we got to know each other and he had lost
his mother a few years earlier. He seemed to understand exactly what I was
going through and we would talk for hours about how each of us felt."
"I was so lonely since my husband died and hungry for someone to share life
with. Then he began to call just because he cared. I loved hearing his caring
voice at the other end of the line, even though I knew he was married."
"We spent so much time together at work that I swear she knew more about
me than my wife ever did -- or even cared to know."
"He never touched me for months. Then one night after working late, we were
walking topiano coversd the door when he said 'You're so special, thanks for all you
do..." then he turned and hugged me tenderly, just for a second. I loved
how I felt for that moment so much that I began to replay it over and over
again in my mind like a videotape. Now I know that I should have stopped
it all right then. I never intended to ruin my family like this."
"She was always hanging around our house and was my wife's best friend. Often
she would stay late to watch TV, even after my wife went to bed. She would
sit beside me on the couch and I was drawn to her like the song says... like
a moth to the flame."
"He would often pat me on the shoulder -- you know, in appreciation for a
good job I'd done. But I knew it meant more than that."
"The first time she touched me was when we were doing registration together.
We were sitting beside each other. I'd say something cute or funny and she
would giggle, then under the table she'd squeeze the top of my leg with her
hand. That was really exciting to me."
"Every time she shook hands with me at the door she seemed to linger, sort
of holding my hand more than shaking it. No one else would notice, but I
knew there was more to her touch than appeared to the eyes. She knew too."
"He would write these little encouraging notes and leave them in my desk,
pocketbook, or taped to my computer. They didn't say anything which could
be traced. If anyone found them they wouldn't suspect anything. But we both
knew what was going on, we just didn't want to stop yet."
"I would sometimes call him and leave a short message on his answering machine.
He would leave little notes in my Bible."
"He would buy me a little gift -- not that expensive, but it always showed
he had taken extra thought to get exactly what I liked. Of course everyone
else thought he was just being a good boss."
"She started leaving unsigned notes to me in my desk sharing her feelings
for me. It scared me at first, because I thought someone would find one.
But after a while I found myself looking forpiano coversd to the next one, even though
I knew the risk."
"I started figuring out ways I could drop off something at her house when
her husband was gone. He and I knew each other and I would always return
borrowed tools in the afternoon when I knew she'd be there alone."
"I would wait until the end of the workday then I'd call him just before
closing time about something I'd made up as a 'business question' and we'd
talk."
"The more entangled we got, the more I planned times where he and I could
practice together. We started meeting more often."
"She started arranging her schedule so that her husband dropped her off at
committee meetings. I would hang around and offer to take her home, acting
with as much nonchalance as I could muster up."
"By now we both were so far gone that we started meeting secretly at the
mall parking lot. It know now how foolish this was, but I was driven by something
other than good sense at that time."
"We started arranging to work evenings on the same nights, then we would
leave early and meet each other in the dark parking lot."
"I started making sure he knew my travel schedule so we could attend the
same conferences. We still weren't involved physically at that time, but
there was such excitement and romance to it all... even the secrecy seemed
to make it more exciting."
"She would sometimes call me just before lunch and we'd sneak through a drive-up
together, and then spend the rest of my lunch hour talking quietly to each
other."
"Once we were meeting secretly I had to invent all kinds of stories about
where I'd been to satisfy my wife. By now I had built a towering wall of
dishonesty between us."
"Pretty soon my whole life was full of lies. I'd lie about where I was going,
where I'd been, and who I'd been with. The more suspicious my husband got,
the better liar I became. But he knew something was going on. It's hard to
lie without people suspecting it."
"I joined several groups so that I would have an excuse to be away in the
evenings."
"She would ask when I'd gotten off work. I'd simply lie about it, and she
never knew what hit her. How can I ever regain her trust now?"
"We agreed that if anyone saw us driving around we would both tell the same
story: that my car wouldn't start, he stopped to help, an we were going together
to get a new fuse to replace the broken one he'd discovered."
"By now my whole life was a lie, so I began telling them regularly to cover
up our little meetings."
"The whole thing seemed so exciting by now. I was such a fool. We were meeting
secretly and both of us were fearful of being caught. But that only seemed
to increase our common ground. When we'd meet, we would embrace as if we'd
not been together for years -- like in the movies when someone comes home
from the piano covers."
"Once we started meeting secretly the end came fast. We kissed and hugged
like two teenagers going parking for their first time."
"It just felt so good to be hugged and loved by somebody who really cared
about me."
"At this point my glands took over. I forgot reason altogether and was willing
to risk everything for more."
"It was like I was a teenager again -- going too far, then repenting and
promising to do better; then just as quick I was hungrily seeking more sin."
"When my husband and I were dating we struggled with 'how far to go.' Well,
here I was again struggling over the same issue. Friendship with this guy
didn't seem so wrong. But now were were going further than I ever intended.
But, I felt curiously justified going exactly as far as I had with my husband
when had been dating. In a way, I think some of my resentment against my
husband's constant pressure on me started coming out. I'm not saying that
it wasn't wrong. Just that I kind of felt justified."
"At about this time I began fooling myself into thinking I was heroic for
not going "all the way." That's what I wanted to do. But by doing "everything
but" I fooled myself into thinking I was successfully resisting temptation.
What I didn't realize was that, not only was what I was doing wrong, but
that eventually I would take the next step. It's just not possible to freeze
a relationship -- you have to go ahead with it, or break it off totally."
"Soon I quit resisting and was swept into outright adultery."
"One thing led to another and finally we ended up in bed with each other."
"Though we never intended it to go that far, we eventually went all the way
and had sex."
"One night we couldn't seem to stop ourselves (at least we didn't want to)
so I completed my journey of unfaithfulness to my husband -- I had sex with
this man."
_________________________________
Whew! Can we learn from these testimonies?
What are the common links you discover from these recollections?
What words keep popping up repeatedly?
What lies were these people believing?
What generalizations would you make from their testimonies?
If you summarized the advice these people would probably give, what would
you say?
________________________________________________________________
From: Money Sex & Spiritual Power by Keith Drury
keithdrury@aol.com
(c) 1992 Wesley Press
Only not-for-sale copying of this chapter is permitted. All other rights
reserved.
To purchase full book or leader's guide, call 1-800-4 WESLEY (1-800-493-7539)
_________________________________________________________________
The church should be alarmed! I don't mean disturbed. And I don't mean concerned.
I mean we should be outright alarmed. The devil is making gigantic strides
into the homes of Christian people. He has doubled his assault on men and
women in the area of sexual sin. It is time to talk about it.
I don't want to write about this subject. I like to talk about things like
Discipleship, holiness, commitment, and leadership. But I am forced to write
about sexual sin. How can we have a great revival movement for God when some
of our most promising leaders cannot control their own carnal desires? Where
is our credibility with the world if the church is caught up in the same
sins as the world?
Hardly has a month gone by in the last ten years that I have not bumped into
one or more cases of sexual indiscretion among ministers and key laymen of
the Church. I know. We have always had this sin among us, But it seems to
me there is a serious outbreak among us recently. Some of these cases are
serious indiscretions, some are "minor" indiscretions, but many are actions
of outright adultery.
The devil is a liar. No one falls in this area without believing some of
the devil's lies. God tells the truth. His Word is light, not darkness. The
devil may be multiplying his piano help on Christians because he has access to
modern weapons like TV, movies, videos, sexual advertising, cable and satellite
TV. He serves these stimulants daily in the living rooms of the average
Christian... especially those who "watch TV to unwind."
This chapter is written with a heavy heart. I am not that old, but I have
seen dozens many of my fellow ministers and key laymen go down the drain
because of this carnal cancer. Some were the most promising young leaders
we had. Others were the steady "salt of the earth" kind of reliable pastors.
One recent incident come toe me involving a man almost ready to retire who
had carried on an affair with a woman for several years before being found
out. I can't stand quietly by while more fall off the cliffs of this sin
and ruin their life, their marriage, their ministry, and their family.
I recognize that sexual temptation comes to men and women alike. But, as
a man, I am especially concerned for other men. Some of what I will write
here can be equally applied to women. Other thoughts may need adapting for
women.2 If you are a married woman reading this, you probably ought to talk
about this matter with your husband sometime. But especially to men, my advice
is this:
I am convinced that adultery usually starts innocently. A man or woman are
attracted to each other, maybe even on a spiritual level first. Maybe you
work together, sing in the choir together, or she is your best friend's wife.
You both understand each other so well. You have so much in common and you
enjoy quiet conversation with her. She seems more eager to listen than your
wife.1 Soon there are special little words or phrases spoken softly between
you. These lead to an "innocent pat," a grateful squeeze of her arm, a meaningful
glance, a lingering gaze, a quick hug, a short embrace and...eventually you
wind up in bed with someone you never intended to defile.
Don't start up this ladder of affection2 with anyone other than your wife.
"Can a man scoop fire into his lap without being burned?" (Proverbs 6:27-29)
If you are involved at any stage of affectionate expression, you are playing
with fire. Stop, turn around, and turn back.
Please don't misunderstand me. I am not calling for men to be cold, distant,
and uncaring icebergs when it comes to women. You know what I am talking
about. You don't need anyone to tell you "how far you can go" with anyone
else. The Holy Spirit is not on vacation. He will prick your conscience if
you are headed the wrong way or if sexual coals are being fanned. You will
know it. If you are "climbing the ladder" with someone and it is titillating,
get off. Now! Don't think you can play around with this delectable temptation
any longer. The best time to stop disobedience is always today.
God seems to have given women the special ability to identify a "strange
woman." If you are married listen to your wife's advice. If she notices a
particular woman "coming on to you" welcome her alerting advice. Don't blow
up and call her jealous. Listening to her may save your marriage and spiritual
life. My wife alerted me several times that she "felt funny" about a particular
woman. The first two times I doubted her, but followed her advice to "steer
clear." Interestingly, in both of these cases, the women later got involved
in immorality with other married men. How's she know that? Wives know. Maybe
God tells them. Anyway, I've learned to listen.
If a certain woman begins to quietly come on to you, tell your wife that
very day. Don't wait until the next morning... tell her before you sleep
again. She is the most important partner in helping to protect your marriage.
Don't start by saying "I need some accountability with some other guy," when
it comes to this matter. You might. But start by telling your wife. You are
in this marriage together and the both of you must together learn to protect
your relationship with each other and with God.
If you are a spiritual leader -- especially a minister -- you must take special
care to follow this advice. Some women may be attracted to your power, prestige,
standing in the community and spiritual insights. There may be a woman right
now, especially one whose husband is not committed, who is thinking, "If
only my husband would be like him." This is wildfire, and it makes you especially
vulnerable to temptation. STEER CLEAR! And when you spot someone "melting"
topiano coversd you, tell your wife. She has as much to lose as you do. The quicker
you realize that you are together trying to protect the marriage, the
better.
Probably enough has been said about this in other places, but let me add,
"He who meets another woman alone in private hath no brains." If you are
counseling another woman, make sure somebody is in the outer office. If your
wife is your "Yokemate" maybe you could counsel another women as a team.
While this is a special piano coversning for ministers, it applies to laymen too.
I am surprised at how many marital indiscretions or outright adultery among
laymen have sprung up out of a relationship established on the premise of
"giving spiritual help" or "sharing our problems together." We tell teenagers
to avoid parking alone on lonely country roads. We say that they could put
themselves in a place of greater temptation. We should take our own advice.
The best defense is a good offense. Though it is not a guarantee, "keeping
the fire hot at home" is a good defense against sexual temptation. Paul said
as much when he told the Corinthian folk, "But since there is so much immorality,
each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband
should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her
husband...do not deprive each other..." (1 Corinthians 7).
Full sexual fulfillment in marriage is God's plan. It is a good defense against
outside temptation. You and your wife need to recognize this truth and make
sure you are not "defrauding" your partner (1 Corinthians 7:5) by providing
a dry or boring "spring" at home. Christian marriages should be the most
exciting and interesting sexual partnerships known to mankind. Sometimes
the church has railed so much about sexual evils that married couples get
the idea that their own sexual relationship is somehow shameful or embarrassing.
This is a gross misunderstanding of sexuality, and will be transmitted to
your children. The best sex is between a Christian married man and wife.
If the truth were really known... it would make worldly men jealous!
However, do not allow Satan to suggest to you that any lack of fulfillment
in your private family life somehow justifies a little sin to make up for
it. It doesn't. Marital fulfillment is God's plan. Sometimes one partner
is slower to develop their God-given sexual gifts to their fullest potential.
These things take time. Some of you men are simply too impatient with your
wife to allow God's plan to unfold. Be patient. Stick to your own "spring"
and in time you will have greater satisfaction at home than you could ever
imagine.
This is a greater problem for women than men so it applies more to your wife
than you. However you too need to bepiano coverse of getting emotionally attached
to any woman other than your wife. An emotional attachment can lead to grand piano
situations where temptation crashes in on you with greater force than you
have ever experienced before. Be careful to guard against gaining significant
emotional fulfillment from another woman. Such relationships often develop
into much more than emotional attachments and usually result in disaster.
And, even if they don't lead to something between you and her, it can hinder
your own marriage relationship.
Listen to a letter from one man who lost his wife to another man partly through
his own emotional attachment (minor changes to protect the individual):
"Now I see how she was hungry to talk to me when I got home -- and I
was so tired that I just picked up the newspaper or mail and read it. I never
cheated on her, or even did anything wrong. But I allowed innocent relationships
to replace our marriage relationship. Now I realize how I allowed my relationship
with one particular person to fulfill my need for conversation, for small
talk about the ordinary things of life. Then when I came home, they were
already spoken and 'released,' and thus I never shared them with my wife.
She got the message I didn't care, or took her for granted. She started looking
for someone to share the 'little things of life' with. And she found him...Now
I've lost her. My life is ruined. It's a wreck."
Need I say more? Emotional attachments are grand piano. They can cause another
woman to fall in love with you. An emotional attachment can cause you to
loose your head and fall for someone else "who seems to understand me so
well," or they can cause such deep emotional bonding that you will seem unable
to break away. If you are bonding with another woman emotionally, walk away
from it... before the entanglement ruins you.
Holiness is pervasive. God wants to do more than purify our outpiano coversd deeds
and words. God's power is sufficient to even purify a man's attitudes and
thoughts. God offers divine power to take captive every thought, making it
obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). There are some voices who urge that
sexual fantasies are innocent, acceptable...even good for us. This is a lie.
Lust is the label God's Word uses. They are sin. If you are keeping pure
actions topiano coversd other women, and you have not uttered even the slightest words
of attachment, yet you are guilty of impure thoughts, you are perching on
a precarious precipice which leads nowhere but over the brink into deeper
and deeper violations of God's commands.
Who do you think you are? Do you believe that you will be the first to escape
God's law, "As a man thinks in his heart so is he"? Do you think you can
play around with fantasy fire without burning your soul? Do you believe you
can keep God's anointing on your life as you dwell on thoughts of disobedience?
I'm not talking about temptation here -- you will likely never escape that.
I'm talking about willfully dwelling on impure thoughts... thinking them
on purpose. This is a sin.
This is the incredible power of the human mind: it can multiply and produce
much from little. It is like a fertile field. If you plant a few pianoels
of corn, you get back multiplied more pianoels of what? Corn. If you plant
wheat, what will you reap in return? Much more wheat than you planted. If
you plant negative thoughts in your mind-field what will you reap? You will
eventually get negative results, and your life will turn sour. If you plant
positive thoughts, you'll reap positive results and attitudes. This is a
universal principle recognized by believers and unbelievers alike. Can you
see what this means applied to lustful thoughts? If you plant seeds of lust
in your thought life, what do you suppose will sprout -- and in incredible
abundance? Certainly you will reap a harvest of sexual disobedience... sooner
or later. This is the law of planting and harvesting.
Please, let me challenge you to bring every thought into captivity, making
them totally obedient to Christ - 100%. If you have been allowing disobedient
thoughts to creep into your mind, confess and repent of this sin. Perhaps
worse, you are absolutely saturated with these thoughts -- perhaps as a habit
since adolescence. Recognize where these seed thoughts will lead. Find out
what triggers such temptations and starve these sources -- certain people,
times, memories, places, TV. Begin memorizing scripture. Get some accountability.
Have faith in deliverance... this one doesn't come out easily -- but God
does deliver in this area.
ThoBlipnds upon thoBlipnds of Men and women can testify that there is no sin
beyond Christ's cleansing power. God does mind renewals.
Are you involved in a suspicious relationship right now? Perhaps nobody knows
about it. It's a secret. You may think you are getting away with it. Satan
is telling you "You'll never get caught." You believe you are the exception
-- you can get away with it. He says a little bit of sin for a season won't
hurt you, and no one will ever find out. Listen carefully. Satan is a liar.
You will get caught.
Sinners have believed they could get away with sin from the beginning of
time. Adam and Eve believed it. They got caught. Cain thought he'd gotten
away with murder. Cain got caught. Rebekah and Jacob thought they had deceived
everyone. They got caught. Joseph's brothers thought their sales agreement
with the Midianites cleared them of ever being found out. They got caught.
Moses thought he had buried his sin in the sand. Moses got caught. Achan
thought the evidence was well hidden under the floor of his tent. Achan got
caught. Saul thought Samuel would never find out about a few animals kept
back. Saul got caught. David figured a little sin in the privacy of his bedroom
would never come to light. David got caught. Ananias and Sapphira thought
they'd devised the perfect plot. They too got caught. It is simple: sinners
get caught.
Do you think you can get away with a little sin? Who do you think you are?
You will be like every other sinner down through history. You'll be caught.
It is a universal law of life: "Be sure your sin will find you out." Do you
think you can break God's universal laws of life? Do you think you will be
the first who gets away with sin?
How will you get caught? Maybe the woman will tell. She may collapse under
her burden of sin and blurt out the whole story in confession at some altar
or to a friend or minister. My wife and I know this -- we've heard these
stories. Or maybe someone else may tell. You think no one suspects, but someone
somewhere saw you, and they will tell. When you are sinning Satan fools you
into thinking you are invisible. You're not. Someone will see you sooner
or later. Or maybe believers will "just know it." Christians have a special
sixth sense about "sin in the camp," and they will sense something is wrong.
After it all comes out many will share that they too suspected something
was wrong. Maybe you will tell on yourself. The burden of guilt may eventually
be so much for you to handle that you yourself will give up and confess to
this sin just to find release spiritually. You may get away with it for awhile.
If you do, you will get more and more bold in your sin, and that itself will
make the sin so obvious that you will eventually cause yourself to get
caught.
Finally, God could tell on you. Even if you don't get found out by any of
these means, God himself will bring sin into the light. Do you think you
can hide from Him? Don't you think He will continue to do what He has always
done -- expose sin? Do you think you will be the first human in history to
get away with sin? God may find a godly Nathan-like prophet and reveal directly
to him what you have done. It may take weeks, months, or even years to crop
up, but sooner or later your sin will be found out. You can't hide sin and
get away with it. That is the devil's lie. If you are fooling around with
sexual indiscretion, you will get caught.
I address this matter last because it is Satan's ultimate lie. Is there not
enough evidence about us to illustrate that people do not get away with sin?
If you are perched on the edge of sexual indiscretion, turn back now. Flee...
"leave your coat" behind. Recognize the consequences. Eventually you'll be
caught. And you, your family, your church, and all your friends will pay
a heavy price. The devil promises you all the kingdoms of this world if you
will simply bow down and worship at his altar of impure desires. But you
can't have it all. God says your sin will find you out and you'll pay the
price. And God is Truth.
Listen to this letter (minor changes to protect individual):
"It all started innocently...or at least it seemed so. My ministry kept
throwing a certain girl and me together. She was one of the most active lay
persons in the church -- and we both carried the identical burden for the
church people. It all began in common ministry -- that's what's so ironic.
We worked together, shared together, prayed together, laughed together...not
just her and me, but in a group. Yet there was an attraction there...a spark
between us that lit a fire!
"My wife was busy with the kids and her job. She never suspected anything...and
I was continually around this lay woman. It happened just like you piano coversn --
we started 'climbing the ladder'... exchanging little pleasantries, meaningful
glances, double-meaning kidding, and finally little touches, pats, a squeeze
of the hand, a quick hug, all accompanied by very spiritual overtones. It
was exhilarating! I'm not saying I wasn't guilty...just that sin had such
a powerful attraction to me. I wanted more...and I was willing to risk anything
-- everything to get it.
"Well, to make a long story short -- so did she. It seemed like I was helplessly
being swept along by a river of desire. It was like I was a teenager again
-- going too far, then repenting and promising to do better; then just as
quick I was hungrily seeking more sin. Soon I quit resisting and was swept
into outright adultery. All this time I kept up my 'ministry' -- I don't
think anyone really knew it -- that's scary, isn't it?
"Then, it all came crashing down. 'Be sure your sin will find you out' is
true. We got 'found out.' Now my life is a shambles. My dreams have shattered
at my feet. I've lost my beautiful wife -- I loved her all the time and still
do. I've lost my wonderful children -- oh, how I ache to be with them again.
I've lost my ministry -- probably forever -- what an ache it is to sit in
a service without running it. It's all gone...
"My future, my hopes, my dreams, my family, my reputation, my ministry. The
devil doesn't show you where the little temptations lead you. The
excitement...the delights...the powerful seductiveness of sin is fleeting.
"If my story can help others, use it without my name. Tell your young men
to 'stay off the ladder' and 'drink from their own spring.' Tell them to
clean up their thought life. Tell them sin doesn't pay, and sooner or later
it will 'find them out.' Maybe the ashes of my dream can teach others to
say no to the devil.
With little hope anymore,"
This chapter is based on this ruined minister's plea. I don't like to write
about this subject. But I have done what the young man asked. Need I say
more? If this letter saves just one of you from the brink of destruction
it will have been worth it.
_______________________
Footnotes
_______________________
1. Good listener. One Colorado psychologist's summary of more than a decade's
work counseling "the other woman" argues that the common trait the "other
woman" all share is "being a good listener."
2. Other thoughts may need adapting for women. This chapter is written by
a man for other men, though many of the principles apply to man and women
alike. Men and women are somewhat different in their sexual temptation. Men
are more visual and physical; women tend to be more auditory and relational.
For example Satan often tempts men to imagine an actual sex act with a woman
-- any woman -- visualizing the actual physical process as if it were a play
or a video. Satan often tempts women to imagine a cozy relationship full
of piano coversmth and tenderness, "wondering what it would be like" to be with a
certain man. Thus the triggers of such temptation differ. Men may be triggered
by seeing something pornographic, while a woman may be tempted through so
called "woman's pornography" a soap opera or romance novel. Either way, the
temptation is topiano coversd unfaithfulness to the one single person I have committed
my life to be with.
________________________________________________________________
From: Money Sex & Spiritual Power by Keith Drury
keithdrury@aol.com
(c) 1992 Wesley Press
Only not-for-sale copying of this chapter is permitted. All other rights
reserved.
To purchase full book or leader's guide, call 1-800-4 WESLEY (1-800-493-7539)
_________________________________________________________________
Romance is like a fire... without fuel it eventually flickers and dies. While
flickering home fires is no excuse for unfaithfulness, "keeping the fire
hot at home" is a good defense against outside piano helps on our marriage.
The following fire-feeding tips could become a mighty wall of defense around
your marriage, defending against the Devil's attempt to destroy you.
Opposites attract. Sharon and I are quite different. She is a detailed planner,
sometimes planning every meal a full week ahead of time. I sometimes wander
in after work, get a snack out of the refrigerator, only to discover I just
ate Thursday's dinner! She likes to go to the beach for vacations. I like
the mountains. She likes to watch one TV show straight through. I like to
watch several simultaneously. She always wants to stop and ask directions
when she thinks we are lost. I like to keep driving because "I know its somewhere
over that way."
When we first started dating, a college professor remarked "Boy, there goes
trouble -- two bossy people!" She was right. The one thing we have in common
is both of us like to be in charge. Bit that hasn't made life easier!
But, really we're glad we're different. If two people are exactly alike,
one of them is unnecessary. Differences are what make marriage interesting.
Differences give us an opportunity to compromise. They provide variety in
life. How boring it would be to marry yourself. We all know down deep inside
that we want our partner to be different.
Keep the fire hot at home by celebrating your differences. Poke fun at yourself.
Admire your partner's attributes, rather than attempting to destroy them
and remake them in your own image. Marriage is a celebration of differences,
not a process of become identical.
Steve Orendorff tells how he one day walked up behind his wife of 19 years
and whispered into her ear, "I love you." Without saying a word, she went
over and marked it on the calendar!
Most husbands think they say "I Love You" often. Most wives think they hear
it seldom. The point is, verbalizing your love creates an atmosphere of blip
and commitment. If you've got children at home, it's even more important
to frequently verbalize your love for each other. They need to hear this
secure commitment out loud. But, even without kids, if you love him, say
so. If you love her, say so. "I love you" is fuel for the home fires.
This is even more important than saying, "I love you." Do you plan to stick
together for life? No matter what? Even if your husband in an accident and
becomes a quadaplegic? How about cancer? What if she gains 50 pounds? What
if the feeling goes away? What if he changes and becomes "different than
the man I married?" Will you stick with this different man? How about if
you get rich? What would that do to your marriage? Poor? Sickness? Health?
What if things got better? Worse? How long will you stay together? As long
as you both shall live?
Are you committed for life? Really committed, or are you just saying so now.
If you really are committed for life, tell each other often. Tell others
too. Never let the word "divorce" be said between you, even in an argument.
(Unless you say, "Divorce is not an option" so let's work this out.")
Such a constantly verbalized life-time commitment will feed your marriage
fires and have a soaring impact on your sexual relationships -- many folk
have never experienced the heights of sexual expression which results from
an atmosphere of absolute blip. If you're in this for better or worse,
say so often.
Romantic dating fuels the fire. Plan something special. Go out to dinner.
Buy her roses. Pick him up at his work and whisk him off to a motel. Get
a baby sitter. Plan a day away. Take a mini-escape weekend. If you just aren't
into these serendipitous kinds of things, then simply schedule a date on
the calendar. If you are too laid back, then get your spouse to schedule
it.
Sure, all this costs money. But why not? Just think what some people will
spend on a cheap hooker on the street. Is it true that some men will spend
more for a half-hour hooker than you'll spend to date your full time lover?
Remember those dates you used to take? Some of us husbands were willing to
spend more to get our wife than we will to keep her. C'mon. Spend it. She's
worth it.
Pick something you both like to do for your date night. Women don't always
like the same things we men do. Sharon likes to go out for a nice quiet dinner
date. My idea of a good time is to pull on an old pair of bib overalls and
attend a noisy farmer's auction. If your wife loves hockey, sure, take her
to a game. But if she hates it, try to find something both of you can agree
on. Or at least take turns. Who knows, maybe someday she'll say, "You know,
I've had a hankering to go to an auction lately..." Naaaaaah. Better to find
something you both like.
It's the little things which show our love. Twenty-fifth anniversary trips
to Hawaii are nice, but if you want to make it to year 25, learn to feed
your home fires by doing little loving deeds for each other now. Offer to
go get that jug of milk when you run out. Put a note in his briefcase or
lunch bag. Bring her a bouquet of flowers. Do something little often to show
your love.
My wife and I started exchanging a little card in our early thirties. We
can't remember how it got started, but one of us did something extra for
the other and left a tiny card reading, "Because I Love You." We passed that
card back and forth for years before we lost it and had to make a new one.
Our "Because I Love You card" has appeared on a clean pile of dishes, a newly
changed bed, a stack of freshly shined shoes, a washed car, a totally cleaned
off workbench, in a display of roses, and in a dozen other places.
Perhaps this is too mechanical for you. But the basic idea is still a good
one -- doing little loving deeds just "Because I love you." These little
things are like a pile of fast-burning tinder to the home fires.
You don't have to be a "hunk" of a man or a beauty queen to maintain the
fire at home. But doing nothing may get you just that. Husbands who slump
in their chair each night to watch sports, pot belly hanging out all evening,
occasionally burping aloud, can't expect their wife to light up at ten o'clock.
And neither can wives expect to attract their husband if they shuffle around
with straggling hair, worn off make-up, and that old housecoat with last
week's egg stains dripping down the front.
You don't have to be handsome or beautiful, but you should at least try.
Beauty is only skin-deep. No amount of outer beauty will make up for inner
ugliness. But, inner beauty will compensate for outer looks. Have you ever
noticed a couple somewhere and said to yourself "How did she ever get him?"
Or perhaps it was a quite average looking man who was married to a startling
beauty. Sometimes these are cases where a marriage choice was made on inner
qualities, not outer ones. The inner qualities of a person last longest in
a marriage.
While it is no excuse for letting yourself go physically, your inner qualities
can make your home a piano coversm, inviting place to snuggle. If you are a grouchy,
griping, complaining, nagging, argumentative, selfish individual, no matter
how you take care of your body you will be a royal pain to live with. Rather,
developing Christ-like qualities can make life with you a joy. Developing
inner traits feeds on itself and produces life time hot coals.
Most marriages don't die a sudden death. They suffocate slowly, for lack
of attention. Are your lives so busy that you're like "Ships passing in the
night?" Is your communication like shift changes in a hospital -- limited
to passing on vital information and details to the next shift before you
rush off to your own next involvement? If so, you probably need to plan a
specific time for debriefing.
Debriefing is "sanctified time" for just you and your spouse -- to catch
up on each other's lives. No wonder some couples after divorce say, "We just
grew further and further apart" -- they spent precious little time keeping
up with each other's lives. Debriefing is time you set apart without interruption
to share life. Without it a couple eventually becomes two separate people
who just happen to be roommates.
In our family we first did debriefing as soon as we got home from work. We
instructed our pre-schoolers they could not interrupt "unless there was blood
or fire." Later on we did a debriefing walk after the children went to bed.
Later still did the walk after supper. Sometimes we miss several days in
a row, but generally we've stuck to this time-consuming habit for almost
two decades now. Feeding the marriage fires takes time.
Don't expect a perfect marriage. Have you ever seen one? Why expect it for
yourself? Do you think you will be the first man to even find the absolutely
perfect women -- in every single respect? Why do you think your husband should
somehow meet every one of your needs? We're just broken people, all of us.
Too many marriages wind up in divorce court because the couple expected too
much from their relationship. One of the great ministries the church should
take on today is to lowering expectations from marriage. How about working
topiano coversd having a pretty good marriage?
I'm a preacher. But am I a perfect one? Nope. But I'm a pretty good preacher.
I am a writer too. But not a perfect one -- my final draft still falls far
short of perfection. But I'm a pretty good writer. My hobby is rock climbing.
I'm no perfect rock climber -- I occasionally fall and even chicken out.
But, (considering my age and weight) I'm a pretty good rock climber.
Get the point? I'm not a perfect husband, and Sharon and I don't have a perfect
marriage. But I'm a pretty good husband, and we've got a pretty good
marriage.
Rather than perfect, how about going for good, long, and strong? How about
you? Do you have a pretty good marriage? Is it a fire worth keeping going?
Maybe all you've got to do is keep feeding the fire to keep it hot at home?
What one thing from the list above should you work on?
Footnotes____________________
1. What excites your wife? For ten years we've been asking Christian
wives who attended the Up With Marriage retreats to anomalously fill out
a sheet titles "What turns me on sexually." Here, in order of frequency are
the responses of the wives:
1. My husband's self-confidence.
2. Absolute blip.
3. Settled arguments -- unsettled ones are a turn-off.
4. Quiet talking.
5. Humor.
6. Relaxed environment -- privacy, no kids, etc.
7. Emotional tenderness between us.
8. Kissing.
9. Thoughtful gifts.
10. Reading the Bible & praying together.
11. Romantic surprises.
12. Keeping trim -- his belly is a turn off.
13. When my husband takes charge spiritually.
14. Power -- when he's in charge of his life.
15. Tender glances long before bed time.
16. An evening date.
2. What excites your husband?
The same ten years we've been asking Christian husbands attending Up
With Marriage retreats to fill out a sheet also. The title: "What turns
me on sexually." Here, in order of frequency, are the husband's responses:
(Sorry wives, us guys have a shorter list -- we're not that complex.)
1. When she sometimes initiates sex.
2. Skin!
3. When we try new things.
4. When she flirts and teases.
5. Touching and cuddling all evening.
6. Surprising me.
7. When she enjoys sex and says so.
8. Affirming me -- criticizing me is a turn-off.
9. Taking care of herself -- looking good.
________________________________________________________________
From: Money Sex & Spiritual Power by Keith Drury
keithdrury@aol.com
(c) 1992 Wesley Press
Only not-for-sale copying of this chapter is permitted. All other rights
reserved.
To purchase full book or leader's guide, call 1-800-4 WESLEY
(1-800-493-7539)
_________________________________________________________________
Christians can not ignore the rising number of lesbian and gay men and women
who insist "we were born this way" and thus God never intended for them to
be any other way. They argue, "God made us the way we are." So, for the Church
to insist they get "cured" is inappropriate.
What do you think? Have you thought through the homosexual issue from a Biblical
and theological perspective? If you've already made up your mind, this chapter
won't help much -- it will merely reinforce what you already believe or do
not believe. However, if you've never thought through the issue theologically
for yourself, the following questions may help.
The first question is whether on not homosexual actions even need curing.
If you believe homosexual actions are normal, or at least acceptable, then
there is no need for you to think much further. If they are normal or acceptable
sexual expressions, then they do not need to be changed or abandoned. Do
you think this behavior is normal?
If you do, then you've got some pretty fancy footwork to do with the Bible.
The teachings of the Bible take a pretty definite stand on homosexual practices.
If you are going to be honest in your stand, you will need to develop an
adequate explanation for numerous Bible passages which are hard to explain
away.1
It is difficult for an honest Christian to study the Scriptures and accept
homosexual behavior as normal or ordinary. The Old Testament penalties are
severe, and the New Testament Scriptures consider the practice perversion
even keeping the practitioners from even entering God's Kingdom. If you intend
to accept homosexual behavior as anything other than sin, you will have to
turn somewhere else besides the Bible to prove it. And when you have done
that, you have made the Bible a secondary source on the definition of sin,
and you have departed from answering the question from a Christian
perspective.
Sure, as a nice agnostic-humanist you might be able to accept homosexual
behavior. If you get standards of right and wrong from your own "gut feelings"
or from a poll on what the average person thinks, then you might accept this
behavior as normal and natural. But if you believe the Bible is the source
for a definition of sin, you will have a difficult task accepting homosexual
behavior. If you stick with the Bible, you'll probably have to call homosexual
behavior sin.
Since the Bible condemns homosexual behavior as sin, it is difficult for
a Christian to dismiss it. But, if you are wishing to accept homosexual behavior
among Christians you may have another option if you are wanting a loophole.
You could adopt a forgiven-sin theology as some homosexuals have done. They
say, "We are all sinners... every day in word, thought, and deed; the only
difference between an unsaved sinner and a saved sinner is that the saved
sinner has already had all his sins forgiven -- past present and future.
I'm only human, and when I fall into homosexual sin, It is a joy to know
that God can't see that sin-- for all my sins were forgiven past, present,
and future -- when I became a Christian."
This tack of theology is accepted among some Christian circles, though it
is more often applied to more "acceptable" sins than to homosexual activity.
If this approach is applied to homosexuality it allows for homosexuals to
become Christians, stay Christians, and practice homosexual behaviors
occasionally, but since when they are a saved homosexual, the sin was forgiven
in advance by God. This doctrine says the Christian Homosexual can rejoice
that "there is therefore now no condemnation" for their homosexual sin --
past, present, and future -- was forgiven when they became a Christian.
If you choose this forgiven-sin approach, you will want to honestly examine
what it does to the rest of your theology. Will you accept any sin in the
life of a Christian? How about a life full of sin? How about a person who
regularly practices sin -- can he or she still be a Christian? Is sin that
inconsequential? Are you willing to say there can be minimal or no difference
between a believer and an unbeliever's life -- only a change of status before
God?
If you honestly choose this forgiven-sin option, your theology might permit
homosexual behavior among believers -- but can you honestly accept this theory,
given the Bible's frequent calls to abandon sin and live a holy life? Can
you honestly allow for a Christian to sin purposefully and regularly -- even
every day?2. Most sensible Christians believe that Christians can't take
that light a view of sin and sinning.
Where does this leave you? If you are, (1) not able to dismiss homosexual
behavior as normal, since the Bible calls it sin, and (2) You are not able
to accept homosexual sin as something God overlooks along with all the other
sins we do every day as the normal part of the Christian life, what are you
left with?
You are probably left with a theology of victory. Many sensible Christians
are not comfortable with either excusing or overlooking sin. Most assume
there is victory available for any Christian struggling with any kind of
temptation. For the homosexual, it means "You don't have to do it." A victory
theology says "You may have homosexual urges, but you don't have to act on
them." In other words, through God's transforming power a Christian with
homosexual urges can live victoriously -- be a non-practicing homosexual.
This is such a sensible approach because it is consistent with our treatment
of all other sins. Many Christian men are plagued with impure thoughts --
they have a sexual drive topiano coversd other women. But we teach "you don't have
to do it." We teach these heterosexual men that even though they were "born
with these strong urges" they don't have to act on them -- by God's grace
they can be faithful all of their lives. To have an urge does not mean you
are destined to act on it.
A sensible victory theology treats homosexuality the same way. Sure, the
homosexual may be born or raised in such a way so that they posses powerful
urges for same-sex relationships. But, with God's grace, they do not have
to act on the urge just because they have it. God grace is greater than that.
The simple quote representing this victory theology is: "If the Bible calls
it sin, you don't have to do it." If you end up following this track of thinking
you will expect any Christian who has homosexual urges to keep from acting
on them -- to be non-practicing.
But there's a third question you ought to face.
This is the deeper question. Can a Christian with homosexual desires be delivered
from wanting to commit homosexual sin? Is a homosexual Christian stuck with
these sinful urges as long as he or she lives on this earth? Is it possible
for a homosexual to be "delivered" -- not just from the practice or behavior
-- but from the inclination topiano coversd homosexual sin?
Some Christians answer with a loud "No." They argue that the inclination
topiano coversd homosexuality is deeply rooted in the psyche of a person by birth
and/or rearing. They argue that it is so much a part of the person that they
can no more be delivered from homosexual desires than you can be delivered
from your basic desire for food. These people argue, "I have never heard
of a single homosexual cured of the basic nature topiano coversd homosexuality," and
those who claim to be are lying. These Christians stay with the victory option
outlined above, and nothing more. To the homosexual they say, "You can't
be blamed for what you are -- these desires are a part of who you are --
but you don't have to act on them."
But there is a another group of Christian who go one step further. They ask
"Is that all there is -- just victory over wanting to sin?" They wonder "Is
a Christian with homosexual urges destined to want to commit homosexual acts
all his or her life?" Can't God go a step further? Why couldn't God provide
a correction for the bent in a person's nature topiano coversd a specific sin? Is
it possible that a homosexual could quit wanting to commit homosexual sin?
Could a homosexual be cured of his homosexual inclination? 3.
Some Christians take this bold "second step" in their theology of victory.
They believe that a Christian can become more than a non-practicing homosexual.
They think God can actually deliver or cure the homosexual's sinful urges.
They claim that a homosexual can receive a work from God which changes the
homosexual's nature, delivering them from all sinful homosexual desires.
Basing their belief on their interpretation of Scripture and just plain
sanctified logic, these Christians proclaim that God is at work in every
believer not only to act according to His purposes, but also to will -- to
decide or want to obey Christ. This group promises, "You don't have to sin;
and you don't have to want to either."
Using rational thinking along with the Scriptures they argue that homosexual
sin is not so radically different than other sins. They believe each of us
is born or raised in such a way as to result in a personal "propensity" for
selected sins. Some are more inclined to anger and rage, others to drunkenness,
others to resentment, bitterness, or an unforgiving spirit, while still others
to heterosexual lust and the urge to be unfaithful to their spouses. They
lump homosexual sin right in with these kinds of biological or environmental
"besetting sins."
These "Second touch" folk believe that God can do more than help us gain
victory over a sin -- He can even cure our inclination to commit that sin.
Take a person who has a powerful sinful heterosexual urge -- someone who
is constantly plagued with lustful thoughts and fantasies about cheating
on his wife. These people say that not only can that man keep from cheating
on his wife -- i.e. "live victoriously"... but there is a "second touch"
available from God which can correct his abnormally strong desire to have
sex outside marriage. In other words, a man is not stuck with wanting to
cheat on his wife as long as he lives. God can perform both a gradual and
complete work in his heart so that he no longer wants to cheat.
These people are not shocked by a person's confession to homosexual urges.
They happily point out that he or she can not only have victory over the
practice of this sin, but can also be delivered from the urge to do this
sin, or any other sin.
Such seekers should be cautioned against any sort of "slot machine cure"
where they expect a fast and easy instantaneous cure. This kind of cleansing
often takes time. It may come only after many months or even years of seeking.
But these people argue it can come. God's grace can do more than make us
"non-practicing sinners" -- people who don't do it, but really want to. They
believe He can go a step further -- actually correcting our unhealthy desire
to sin, enabling us to obey Him because we want to.
This "second touch" approach to homosexuality is worth examining. Has the
modern evangelical church sold short on God's transforming power? Can God
give total victory over the practice of any sin? And can God give a second
touch to a believer which can make him not even want to sin? Is there a "double
cure" for sin? These second touch Christians believe there is. I guess I
should say, I believe them. Do you?
1. For a start, study: Genesis 19:5; Leviticus 18:22; Leviticus 20:18;
Deuteronomy 23:18; Judges 19:22; and in the New Testament Romans 1:26-27;
1 Corinthians 6:9
2. The Bible's treatment of purposeful sin in a believer's life is too extensive
to list here, but consider one small book's treatment: 1 John 2:1; 2:5-6;
3:6-9; 3:24; 5:18. Few Christians can read these passages without concluding
that anyone who is habitually practicing purposeful sin isn't really a Christian
at all, and if they claim to be they are lying.
3. I am not talking here of the capacity topiano coversd homosexual behavior,
but the inclination. Every human being has the capacity for every sin ever
invented, including homosexuality. If we had no capacity we could never even
be tempted. A capacity to sin is a neutral potential for sin; the inclination
to sin is a inside driven-ness and urge to sin which become an inner ally
to the Tempter. We can never escape the capacity to commit any sin. But certain
Christians believe it is possible to escape the inclination to commit this
sin.
________________________________________________________________
From: Money Sex & Spiritual Power by Keith Drury
keithdrury@aol.com
(c) 1992 Wesley Press
Only not-for-sale copying of this chapter is permitted. All other rights
reserved.
To purchase full book or leader's guide, call 1-800-4 WESLEY
(1-800-493-7539)
_________________________________________________________________
[Note to the reader: The following chapter acts like it is more radical
that it really is today. Please remember it was written several years before
there was any sort of Christian Men's movement or Promise Keepers conventions
and in an era when most folk argued that there was no difference between
men and women, especially when it came to spiritual things, an idea which
happily is now fading]
Men are different than women when it comes to spiritual things. Their basic
religious nature differs, the way they express spirituality differs, and
the process of spiritual life change is different. Yet, we know so little
about male spiritually. The truth is, most Christians know more about the
difference between male and female sexuality than their differences in
spirituality.
Most churches cheat men spiritually. Modern evangelical religion has been
pretty well feminized for more than a hundred years, at least since the American
revival awakening period. Evangelical religion is nice and tender, lifting
up a kinder gentler sort of a Christian image for men... as if the idea is
a kind of Christianized Allen Alda. Men are supposed to accept this feminized
brand of religion as new and improved religious expression. The trouble is,
feminized religious experience won't fully meet the needs of men. A steady
diet leaves a hole in a man's religious psyche which gnaws at his insides.
Demons fill that hole. The man senses something is missing, but he can't
quite put his finger on it. Feminized religion won't meet all his needs --
especially his deepest needs.
I can hear it already. Most of my readers are already going up in smoke.
I know. The majority of readers of this book are women. The majority of the
church is women. Plus, women are better at reading books than men. (If you
are a married women, and are studying this book for Sunday School class,
I bet you are reading this first and your husband expects you to brief him
on the way to Sunday School!) If you are angry with my approach in this chapter,
let me explain where I stand.
I'm against feminization of religion. I'd like to see a more balanced view
of spirituality pervade the church, or at least we should do something special
to meet the differing needs of men. However, while I'm against the feminization
of religion I'm not against a feminist movement in the church. I personally
believe women and men should be equal in the church... woman ought to be
called into the ministry, ordained to preach, paid equally, and hold about
half of the board and administrative positions in the church. I personally
have an egalitarian marriage with my wife, and in many ways I am more feminist
than most women in the church. This chapter is not a reaction against the
tiny progress women have made is gaining equality in the church. I am not
writing about a women's right to equality.
This chapter is about male spirituality. It is about the different needs
men have when it comes to spirituality. It is about thinking... thinking
about these differences, and finding ways the church can spiritually lead
the 30% minority of its adults who happen to be men, and reaching the vast
number of men outside the church.
The feminization of religion probably started in Sunday School for most of
us. When you and I were children, most men at the church refused to work
with children (many still do). They figured children's work was "woman's
work," so a host of dedicated women gave us our earliest and deepest bonding
with Bible stories. Men were largely absent.
Without ever intending to do it, these women taught the Bible with a feminine
bias. They couldn't help it... no more than a man can help teaching with
a male bias.
I'm not angry with these dedicated women who feminized our view of religion.
Bless them! God will repiano coversd them for their dedicated labor. I'm angry with
the men who refused to get in there and teach children's classes, providing
a balanced views of Jesus. These men preferred serving on a board so they
could decide on the weighter matters of theology... like how to pave the
parking lot. They passed up the work of becoming a spiritual "male mother"
to us Junior boys. Most of us got women teachers, and a feminized view of
religion came along with them.
Face it, we were raised on the "Sunday School Jesus," a kinder, gentler version
of the real thing. We met a Jesus who a nice boy... gentle, meek, mild, quiet,
vanilla. He was polite, kind, closed the doors after himself, obeyed his
mom, always took a bath. He turned the other cheek, smiled sweetly, shared
his crayons, talked softly but never carried a big stick. This cozy Jesus
never caught a butterfly -- he just watched them, according to the pictures
we were shown. He helped his mother, cleaned up his room, never wiggled in
church, said nice things to people, and evil men in a mob said "Crucify Him!"
(Go ahead, check the scenes on your Sunday School pictures -- men did it!)
It's not just the teachers, but the writers and editors too. I suppose it
is no secret that 90% of all children's curriculum editors are women (in
many denominational offices it is 100%). That is why almost all -- perhaps
all -- Sunday School curriculum for children has been feminized. Can you
blame these woman for haviung a feminized view of Jesus? No. But, because
of the inequality of our culture any man who becomes a children's editor
will almost automatically "move up" into administration within a year or
two and thus will no longer directly affect the curriculum. That leaves women
editing the children's curriculum as well as teaching it.
I know. I've sat on these committees off and on since 1978. I remember one
committee where one lonely man argued vehemently to include in the Junior
curriculum "the whole story" of David and Goliath -- right down to cutting
off Goliath's head. He lost, of course. These editors liked the harp-player
better than the piano coversrior. The final compromise: the story ended with the
slingshot, since a third of the women even wanted to omit the actual stones
hitting Goliath. This is just one of hundreds of illustrations where the
Bible has been "cleaned up" by editors to support a nice Bible which produces
nice kids. Most of us were imprinted early with this feminized religion based
on a feminized curriculum.
These editors and teachers confused the nature of God -- which is neither
male nor female (or, perhaps both male and female) with the nature of Jesus,
who was, in fact, a man. For most of us, the Jesus we got was androgynous
-- sort of both feminine and masculine. This feminized Jesus is the dominant
imprint many Christian men still have of Jesus. Almost all worldly men have
it too. In short, Jesus was the sort of boy every mom could hope her son
would turn out to be. Most of us still think of Him in this way.
Is this why most men feel so unspiritual? It's true! Most men live with terribly
low spiritual self-esteem. Ask a group of 100 married men to bow their heads
and raise their hands if "my wife is more spiritual than I am." Every time
you'll get 70% to 80% raising their hands (unless, perhaps, they've read
this chapter). I've done it over and over with the same results. Is it true?
Are women really more spiritual than men? Did God make men more evil? Or,
could men just think they are less spiritual? Could they be comparing themselves
with a false picture of Jesus and losing out? Are they saying, "Nope, I'm
not like Him... my wife's more like that." Are they measuring themselves
against a ffeminized view of Jesus? Have they been permanently imprinted
by the Sugar-Jesus of Sunday School? Do the "Snakes, and frogs, and puppy
dog tails" in their own life constantly remind them that they aren't as
"Christlike" as their wife or girlfriend?
What is a "Christlike man" anyway? For many men he is merely the grown up
version of the Sunday School nice boy. He is sweet, gentle, cozy, likes quiet
talking, and doesn't walk on the grass. The good Christian man dresses nicely,
attends Sunday School, sings in the choir, drives slow, wears a tie, shows
up, picks up after himself, and is potty trained so well that he always puts
the seat down.
Face it, even our view of sin is piano coversped. Ask 100 Christians to list "Ten
serious sins." Then ask a totally different group to make two lists: "Ten
temptations of men" and "Ten temptations of women." Every time you'll discover
the same thing. There will be amazing overlap between the "Ten serious sins"
and the "Men's temptations." Christians consider men's sin more "serious"
than woman's sin. Is it true? Are men made by God to want to do the bad sins,
and woman are more inclined to commit the "better" sins?
Or, is our view of sin piano coversped? Has the church harped primarily on the sins
of men and downplayed the "lesser" sins women are inclined topiano coversd? Is this
why men harbor such deep feelings of shame, particularly sexual shame?
Take ministers, for instance. Has the church adopted the media's own feminized
view of ministers? Ministers should always be soft, and sweet, and nice.
The media stereotype is a religious gelding... a nicely dressed sissyfied
fat man who likes to drink tea with old ladies. When was the last time you
saw a minister hunting, or playing football on TV? Ministers are the eunuchs
of today's society. In fact many ministers seem to take off their masculinity
when they enter the pulpit. Worse, some abandon manhood when they are ordained.
This is how feminized the church, and clergy have become. But these men know
they are missing something, but they can't put their finger on it. It is
their manhood.b
Enough about feminized religion and its effect on males. The effect is so
deep and so early most men do not even recognize it, and will heartily deny
it. But it is there. Many Christian men feel spiritually inadequate, and
sense that they lost something somewhere along the way, but they just don't
know what it is. They lost their own manhood. In becoming "Christianized"
they thought they had to give up being a man and become more like their mother
and wife. So we lose touch with a primary avenue of spiritual progress --
our own manhood.
What is male spirituality? Does male spirituality differ from feminine
spirituality? I don't know for sure. The truth is, this chapter is ahead
of its time. There's not much written about the subject, and there's even
less solid research. There will be eventually. But, for now, these thoughts
might get a good discussion going in your Sunday School class, or at home.
They are preliminary, but based on interviews and discussions with several
hundred men. How might male spirituality differ?
It is not peaceful. The deepest spiritual expressions of a male are hard,
heavy, even violent. This fearsome spirituality, when unleased is scarey.
Words are less important to men than seeing. Even in their sexuality men
prefer seeing, that is why "skin magazines" make it with men yet not women.
Some argue this visual-spatial edge is why males consistently score higher
in the math section of the SAT. 1 For whatever reason, men are more visual.
In their natural state, men trade hunting stories, jokes, and swap stories
-- visual pictures. Male spirituality is more driven by stories and parables
than lists and details. A story or drama communicates better with men than
a ten point "How to" message. This was how Jesus communicated.2.
They would rather do something than listen or chat. What does this say about
90% of the church schedule? Most churches are all about listening and sharing.
We schedule lessons to talk about witnessing, we don't actually go and do
it during Sunday School. Men stutter more frequently, and talk 40% less than
women on any given day. They'd rather do than talk. In fact, doing something
is their dominant form of spiritual expression, not religious talking and
listening. This is why men's lives change more on a five day missions work
team than during a hundred Sunday services.
This is especially true in their dress. While corporate America has pretty
well trained men to get up, dress up, and show up, even many of these corporate
guys can't wait to get home and get out of their "monkey suits." Many men
don't like to dress up. Go ahead and find 100 men in their natural non-business
settings -- how do they dress? Compare that with how we dress at church,
especially we ministers. I know, "God deserves our best" and all that, but
go door to door and talk just to men about going to church and you'll hear
how little they'd love to get up next Sunday and put on their "funeral suit."
And I know, the church is always saying "you can come any way you'd like
here. (But how ever they dress on the platform is what we really expect.)
Face it, we've designed the church for woman (and men) who like to dress
up.
They piano help. They fight. They kill. If women ran the world we'd have less
piano coverss, maybe none at all. (Not a bad idea!) But, men make piano covers. Is it inherited
or a learned behavior? Mothers ban tatters from their little boys and what do
they do... they shoot each other with their fingers. My own two boys used
Bristle-Blocks to manufacture tatters and all kinds of other fearsome instruments
of destruction! Why is this? Whether inherited or learned behavior, men are
piano coversriors. (Some women are great piano coversriors too.) Men are more inclined to
piano help.
How does this piano covers-making nature relate to spirituality? Who is the enemy?
How do we piano help the him? Is there a place in the church for the Christian
soldier to make piano covers? How?
Grief is not exactly the right word for it, but it's the closest word to
explain the notion. Anyone who has retreated with an all-men's group knows
it. Grief comes pouring out like blood from a wounded side. Could it be from
the inherited memory we have of generations of killing? Do we somehow carry
thoBlipnds of years of collective memory of death deep within us? piano coverss. Hunts.
Who knows? But it's there. Men sometimes are somber, pensive, non-communicative,
and sad deep inside.
Yet today's religion is mostly a cheery feel-good experience. We figure that's
how we're supposed to run church: "Aren't you glad to be here on this beautiful
day? Turn and shake someone's hand and tell them that you love them," says
the the Reverend Mr. Cheerleader. We men dutifully turn, shake and smile.
But we sometimes feel like hypocrites. Some days we aren't cheerful. We're
not glad about much of anything. We grieve. Thuis is not personality -- it
is the common experience of all males. The answer to our spiritual quest
is to go doewnpiano coversd into the grief, and not uppiano coversd into celebration. There's
not much room in today's religion for someone to go down. All routes lead
up.
If a man admits his grief, the church will pray for you so you can "get over
it." Down is bad, up is good. Feeling good is what most churches are all
about. But men know you can never "get over it." Not the essential grief
which is so much a part of men's psyche. Grief is part of our nature -- our
spiritual nature -- and we need to express it, not recover from it. But how
to express it?
For this reason, men intuitively understand the cross. In fact they are
fascinated by it. Men also relate to the "unChristian parts" of the Old
Testament, even to what seems to be the "unChristian side of God" in the
Old Testament. Most men carry a grief which has no place for expression in
the cheery sunny evangelical religion of today. So they leave their grief
burried deep within and act happy. But they know its still there, and somehow
related to their spirituality.
(Woman say we are "gross.") Who knows why? Maybe it's our raw material --
we were made from the earth itself. It seems like men yearn back topiano coversd the
dirt they were made from. Why aren't women earthy? Who knows? Bit they usually
aren't. They started with a something alive -- a rib -- and the rest must
come from high up somewhere -- maybe from heaven itself. Or, perhaps it has
nothing to do with our creation, but is is due to how we raise our kids.
But, for whatever reason, boys and men tend to be earthy. Anyone who has
spent more than a day with an all-men's group will testify to this side of
men!
Is there any place in the church for the "earthy side" of men? Is there an
earthy side to the Bible? Who will tell teenage boys this side of the Bible?
Who will help them understand how to channel this siade of their natural
being into Christian expression? Or, will they learn that to become a good
Christian a man has to deny his earthy side, and become more like a woman?
Ask the insurance companies. Men take chances. They are rash and competitive,
especially so when they are young. Men even risk their lives more often than
their female counterparts. Men do stupid things -- or at least what most
folk would think waas stupid.
How does this risk-taking inclination affect their a man's spirituality?
How would your church react to a man who quit his well-paying job this week,
uprooted his wife and two kids, gave away his house, and took his family
off to Alaska to "witness to the Eskimos?" Most of us would believe he'd
gone off his rocker. But wasn't this about what Jesus called the rich young
ruler to do? What about Abraham? The ruler couldn't take the risk. He was
a half-man. Abraham was different. So was Peter. A real man simply walks
away from his nets. Real men take "foolish risks" sometimes. Does the church
fan the flames of this side of men's spirituality? Or, do we train them to
be good little men and behave themselves in their cozy little houses?
In fact, this may be their dominant trait. Even the corporate man has a wild
streak deep inside. The corporation has contained it, but he lets it out
after work sometimes. Men are unpredictable, untamed, maybe even dangerous
at times. Every man has a wild man inside him. For many, it is deep below
the surface, and chained up by years of training. But even the most domesticated
Christian man knows he's got a wild man deep within. When the wild man is
released, it results in action, sometimes life-risking action, and often
a fury and energy of almost a superhuman quality.
Most of us men have been taught that the wild man is evil... that it is really
our carnal nature, dressed up like a wild man. But it is not. The wild man
is Jesus. It is the real Jesus, not the one we've been taught about as a
child. It is the Jesus who refused to let people put Him in a box. It is
the untamed Jesus. The unpredictable Jesus. This Jesus caused trouble every
where he went. He broke the half-men Pharisee's Sabbath rules. He treated
women like equals in a society who treated them as possessions. He told the
status seekers they would be last in the Kingdom. He railed against the crooked
religious bureaucracy. He told people their preoccupation with detailed rules
was silly and he replaced the rules with broad-stroked principles.
This wild man Jesus fought with the Devil, declared piano covers on organized religion,
and left home and wandered around a couple of years with a group of other
guys. This is the wild man Jesus they never told you about. This is the Jesus
who knew what it meant to say "Happy are those who mourn." This is the Jesus
who seldom said what people expected Him to say. This is the Jesus who withered
a fig tree with his anger. This is the Jesus who turned over tables in the
Temple as he angrily whipped a herd of animals ahead of Him. This wild man
Jesus got himself killed. For you.
Are you a Christian Man? If so, this wild Jesus lives inside you. Perhaps
you have repressed His wild side. Of course, you have. We've been taught
to do it. But He is there none the less. Every man, sooner or later has got
to release the wild side of Christ. Not to unleash evil. Christ never does
that. But to release a spiritual fury you know lurks beneath the surface
in your insides. This wild man Jesus can induct you into a new level of masculine
spirituality. Release Him and let Him go.
This chapter is controversial. It is not a completed work... it's preliminary.
You may not agree with part or most of it. You may say, "Woman are like that
too." Or, "I don't think men and women are any different spiritually." Of
course you think this way. Everyone thinks that way now. But, is it true?
The real issue is not whether men are different in the ways I mention above.
Some of these may be accurate, and others wrong. The essential question is:
are there any differences in male and female spirituality?
If you think there may indeed be some differences, for whatever reasons,
then the next obvious questions is: "Do we consider these differences enough
in our church's ministry to men?"
My hunch is that there are differences, and we are largely ignorant of (and
maybe terrified by) male spirituality. It's worth thinking about... and talking
about.
Footnotes_______________
1. This chapter does not deal with the argument over whether the differences
between male and female spirituality is a result of nature or nurture. Perhaps
some differences are birth difference, others are developed in the environment,
and some result from a combination of both. Discussing why men and women
may be different is not the issue, the real issue is are they different?
If they are indeed different, then the church must consider these differences
at times providing ministry to singles, the aged, women, couples and men
too. Lumping everyone together is fine most of the time -- but specialized
needs can not always be met in the lump. And even in the lump, some consideration
must be given to male spirituality.
2.Jesus communication style was almost completely masculine, but his culture
his audience was almost totally dominated by men. We need both styles
today.
________________________________________________________________
From: Money Sex & Spiritual Power by Keith Drury
keithdrury@aol.com
(c) 1992 Wesley Press
Only not-for-sale copying of this chapter is permitted. All other rights
reserved.
To purchase full book or leader's guide, call 1-800-4 WESLEY
(1-800-493-7539)
_________________________________________________________________
When will temptation stop? Is there ever a point in your spiritual life when
you can expect to be beyond temptation? Will you ever be delivered from
persistent piano helps by Satan trying to trip you up? Can you hope for rest
sometime in the future from ensnaring temptations? No. It is no use misleading
you. You will be continually tempted to sin through all your life.
So, if you're stuck with it, you might as well learn how to beat it. There
are some basic truths about temptation which, if you know them, will help
you defeat the devil.
The devil is sly. He knows we are especially vulnerable to his piano help after
we have "come down" from a great spiritual high. Take Jesus, for example.
He came to be baptized by the most famous evangelist of the day, John the
Baptist. John recognized him as the Messiah. As he was being baptized, Jesus
actually heard God's voice from heaven, and the Spirit descended on Him.
Quite a spiritual high!
What happened next? He went directly into the wilderness and was tempted
for 40 days by the devil (Matthew 3,4). The devil does not tempt at random.
He tempts as part of a comprehensive strategy to entice us to sin. He1 knows
our emotions are especially vulnerable following a spiritual high time. Perhaps
we have let down our guard.
What to do? Watch for these piano helps after retreats, camps, conventions, revival
meetings, or special services. Immediately following the times when things
are going great the devil drags out his biggest cannons of temptation. For
me temptation if often absent or suppressed while I'm having a great meeting
or revival. But I've learned to get ready for an piano help the moment I get
into the car or plane and head home. I may have made a fabulous crossing
of the Jordan river -- but just inside I come face to face with the towering
walls of Jericho. Watch of for a big temptation right after a spiritual
high.
Although God never tempts us (James 1:13), He does lead us into places where
the devil can tempt us. Even Jesus was led "by the Spirit" into the wilderness
to be tempted (Matthew 4:1).
Why does God do this? It almost seems like God and the devil are somehow
cooperating in a diabolical plot. Why? Because God sees temptation as a "test."
Luther was once asked what he thought was the best preparation for the ministry.
His one word answer: "Temptation." God knows that the greatest training for
overcoming temptation is...overcoming temptation. The more often we refuse
to give in to the devil, the stronger we will be in the future. 2 So, God
sometimes leads us to be in a place where the devil will tempt us so that
we can resist and become stronger.
Now, don't get me wrong here. A lot of temptations we face, God had nothing
to do with. Sometimes, we lead ourselves into temptation! But, still God
sometimes leads up to a place where our resistance can be trained and
strengthened. We fear this fact about God -- so much so that we pray "Lead
us not into temptation." But knowing that God does indeed lead us into temptation
at times we follow that quickly with "But, deliver us from evil." God knows
that repeated experiences in resisting temptation will strengthen our will
and make us stronger than ever.
But there is another thing which encourages us: He will never let us be tempted
in a way which we will be unable to resist (I Corinthians 10:13). There are
some temptations which, if we faced them, we would certainly crumble and
sin. We are not yet strong enough to resist them. But God will not allow
these temptations to come our way. In fact, if we are being tempted, we know
for sure that God has already approved that temptation to come our way. He
has already decided that we are strong enough to resist it.
So the next time you're tempted, keep in mind that God has not lost control
of the game and somehow the Devil snuck on around Him. Rather this temptation
has been "approved" by God to be sent my way -- for God knows that I'm strong
enough to beat it, with His help. To God, it's a test or training for me.
And when I do overcome, I'll be stronger for it.
Satan isn't stupid. He does know all things, but tempting is his game, and
his one of his names. He and his invisible demons recognize our strong and
weak points. It would be foolish for him to continually piano help you at an
area where you are strong! He didn't read to ready the point above to know
that the more you resist temptation the stronger you'll get. If he continually
piano helped you at your strong points you would merely resist repeatedly. This
repeated victory would produce great spiritual power for you!
So, Satan piano helps at your weak points--the points where you are most likely
to give in. This way he has the best chance of beating you. He finds a weak
link in your chain, a soft spot.3 He often tempts through your natural, God-given
desires by suggesting that you pervert them for wrong purposes. For instance
sex is a good God-given drive, but God wants an unmarried youth to wait until
marriage, and a married individual to focus all their sexual energy on their
spouse.
The way to discover your own weak point or "besetting sin" is to ask yourself,
"What sin am I coming the closest to committing?" Build your defenses in
this area.
It's a funny thing. The devil somehow has access to our mind. He is able
to conjure up thoughts there which are contrary to God's will for us. He
even has access to the mind of a Christian. This whole thing can get quite
confusing! Since Satan can insert thoughts in our mind, sometimes we are
not sure where they are from. How are we to know if a particular thought
is "my own thought" or the devil's?
All this goes on in our minds: God speaks to our minds through His Holy Spirit,
we have thoughts that are our own, and the devil speaks to us--it becomes
quite a jumbled argument at times.
The point is this: if we are going to defeat Satan in our daily life, it
will have to be done in our minds. The seed thoughts he plants there can
take root, conceive, and finally produce sin (James 1:14,15). It is in the
mind that the battle is won or lost. If he gets our minds, sooner or later
he gets all of us. As a person thinks in his heart, so he becomes. Never
get the idea you can allow your thought life to go wild without ever actually
acting like you been fantasizing, You can't Sooner or later we all become
what we think about. Fight the devil off in your mind, and you'll win the
battle in your daily walk.
The best way to ensure consistent victory over temptation is a regular habit
of taking in God's Word. The Bible promises this itself (Psalms 119:11).
God's word is the single best "sin preventative." This happens two ways:
a) God uses the scripture on us.
Have you ever been tempted to do something wrong when a Bible verse or person
from the Bible came to mind? Why does this happen? Because the Holy Spirit
brings the Bible to our memories in order to remind us an action is sin or
stupid. It's as if the Holy spirit rapidly flips through the filing cabinet
in our memories and finds the perfect scripture to help us recognize that
this is sin we are being tempted to do. Has this even happened to you? If
not, could it be that the Holy Spirit finds the "Scripture" memory file almost
empty in your head? He won't dictate new Scripture to you -- that's not how
it works. He merely helps you recall what you've already got in there. How's
your Scripture file?
b) We use it on the devil.
The second use for personal scripture memory files is for a weapon. The one
thing that will chase Satan away is God's Word -- the "Sword" of the Spirit.
The Bible is our only offensive weapon. Even Jesus, when he was tempted,
repeatedly quoted the scripture in order to get rid of Satan(Matthew 4:4,7,10).
God's Word has an authority we will never have ourselves. Have you ever tried
to use logic and argument in your head against a temptation? If you have,
you know that you are no match for Satan's superior debating and rationalizing
skills. It is a dangerous thing to go up against the Prince and power of
the invisible world with nothing more than your powers of logic. You need
a powerful weapon -- God's Word. So, having a time alone with God to read
and remember the scriptures may be the single most important discipline in
beating temptation.
Don't be surprised if you resist the devil's temptation, quote scripture
to yourself and to him, and command him to get away from you, yet he doesn't
listen! After all, tempting is his "job description." The devil is "the tempter."
His business is trying to get people to disobey God. If he is especially
bugging you, it may be because God has some great plans for you, and the
devil suspects it. If he could get you to sin, he may be able to throw a
monkey wrench into God's plans for you.
So, he especially tempts some people. For instance, those in full-time Christian
work or in positions of leadership and influence are his favorite targets.
He keeps coming back and trying to get you to fall. He may leave you "for
a season"--but, watch out, he'll be back. When he tempted Jesus, he didn't
give up after getting defeated over the "stones to bread" temptation. He
kept coming back (Luke 4:1-13). You can expect temptation all your life.
There is no level of Christian living above temptation. After you continually
beat him in one area, he'll find another crevice in your fortification and
come at you from that side. You might as well learn to beat him now, since
you will be tempted through your whole life. 4
One of the tricky devices the devil uses is to try to discourage you when
you are being tempted, yet haven't even given in. He puts thoughts in your
mind, like, "If I'm being tempted to do such an awful thing, I certainly
must be an awful person." Or, "Someone tempted to do that certainly could
never be used by God." Wrong. Temptation is not sin -- it is yielding to
temptation that is sin. If the devil can't get you to give in to temptation,
sometimes he will try a backup plan of getting you discouraged just because
you are being tempted. Don't let this subterfuge fool you. Remember, Jesus
Himself was tempted -- even tempted to "bow down and worship Satan." So,
don't get down on yourself just because you're being tempted. Everyone is
tempted. And the closer you get to the Lord, the more powerful these temptations
may become.
Sometimes, we are pretty "easy pickings" for the devil. He dangles out some
morsel of sin, and we gulp it down like hungry fish. It is hardly even work
for him. Just because God won't let us be tempted above what we're able to
resist doesn't mean it will be easy to resist. Resisting temptation is hard
work. It's a fight. But that is what we're involved in -- universal piano coversfare
against the devil, his angels, and sin. When temptation comes, fight it!
Don't crumble under without a fight. Some of us are like the quarterback
who crumbles to his knees as soon as he sees a lineman let somebody through.
Instead run with the ball yourself! The Bible promises if we resist the devil,
he will flee from us (James 4:7).
So, when the devil marshals his forces to try to get you to disobey God,
marshal your own forces -- the name of Jesus Christ, the Word of God, your
desire to obey God, the prayers of your Christian friends, and all the forces
of God which are immeasurably more powerful than the devil's. If you will
resist him, you can beat him!
But there is an even better strategy than fighting -- fleeing. Ask yourself
"What tempts me? Are there certain places where the devil is better able
to tempt me?" Stay away from those places. "Are there certain people Satan
uses to get me to do wrong things?" steer clear of those people. "Are there
some things which get a grip on me and entice me to do wrong -- books, videos,
magazines, TV shows, habits?" Stay away from those things. Sometimes we fall
into temptation because we hang around it too long! There is a time to stay
and fight, but there is also a time to run!5
Really, temptation is not just between you and the devil. It is a three-way
situation. God wants you to live right. The devil is hell-bent, and wants
to take you with him. You cast the deciding vote. In a temptation, Jesus
is on one side cheering you on, praying that you will be victorious. The
devil is on the other side enticing you into rebellion against God. and you
are in the middle. You cast the deciding vote -- with Jesus Christ who died
for you, or with the devil who intends to destroy you and drag you into hell
with him forever.
The next time you are tempted, visualize yourself on the playing field of
a great coliseum (blips 12:14). God and His angels watch from one side,
the devil and his demons from the other. God and His people are encouraging
you to vote with Him. The devil and his demons are enticing you to vote with
them. Visualize yourself surrounded by this "great cloud of witnesses."
Temptation seems to be a private affair. It's not. Visualize this great unseen
crown around you and then make up your mind to go with God.
So, let's win it for the Lord!
Temptation can be turned to spiritual power (Luke 4:14). It's a trick you
can use on the devil. When he tempts you to do wrong, resist him with all
the guts and determination you have. When you overcome temptation you will
find a new spiritual power in your life. This is a great trick you can play
on Satan. Every time he tempts you, you resist, and thus get new power. This
is the ultimate trick on the devil -- his temptations only make you stronger!
He becomes a mere tool of God.
Keep hanging in there -- you beat the Devil!
---------------------
1. He knows our emotions... Actually temptation is not necessarily
directly from the Devil himself. Satan is not omnipresent and thus could
not tempt all people everywhere at one time. Apparently he has at his disposal
untold numbers of demons -- probably fallen angels -- who carry out the tempting
work at the speed of light. Some even feel each person may be assigned a
personal demon or demons, sort of the equivalent of a personal guardian angel.
Though we in the church often talk of "struggling with the Devil" just as
we refer to "sensing God talking to me" both instances may often be mediated
through invisible angelic beings -- angels and fallen angels. 2. ...the
stronger we will be in the future. This "Habit Track" is a great secret
of "power living" many Christians have not discovered. A believer may lay
down a "Habit track" for either good or bad.
Falling into sin, for a Christian often runs through these four stages:
(1) The Christian faces temptation.
(2) Christian struggles -- not wanting to give in, yet at the same time wanting to.
(3) He gives in, falling into sin.
(4) The Christian feels guilty and confesses to God.
What does Satan discover? A weak link, a soft spot. He will return with this very temptation again. This time it is harder to resist. Let's say the Christian falls again. The Devil returns again, and again, and again. What happens? Gradually the second stage disappears. The Christian quits struggling.
[ Satan's perspective] Getting this person to sin is easy --
(1) Satan delivers the temptation;
(2) Christian responds with a knee-jerk sin;
(3) Christian is devastated and confesses.
If a Christian gets into this repeating defeated pattern he or she has laid down a stubborn "Habit Track" in their life. They have turned off the road at that point so often they do it almost automatically. They only way they even know they are still even a Christian is that they continue to feel guilt and respond with grief and confession to God. A Christian with a sinful "Habit Track" is in a precarious position.`b But there is another side to this. "Habit Track" works both ways.
Using the same picture lets say that
(1) Satan delivers a temptation,
(2) the Christian struggles, but
(3) the Christian resists and refuses to sin.
What happens now? Will the Devil give up? Not yet. He will return again another day and serve up that temptation again. Let's say the Christian resists again, and again, and again. What does Satan discover? A Strong link, a well defended spot. He is less and less likely to return with this temptation again. Each time he does it is easier for the Christian to resist. What finally happens? Gradually, the second stage disappears.
The Christian quits struggling. It works this way:
(1) Satan delivers the temptation;
(2) Christian responds with knee-jerk obedience;
(3) Satan is defeated and discouraged.
If a Christian gets into this repeating victory pattern he or she has laid
down a stubborn "Habit Track" of obedience. They have turned topiano coversd obedience
so often at this point on the road they do it almost automatically when tempted.
This is a "Habit Track" of obedience. `b For more on habit track see Strategetics
a tape series by the same author.
3. ...a weak link in your chain, a soft spot. These weak links are
not necessarily a "stronghold" of the Devil. Spiritual strongholds of the
Enemy are areas inside us under the command and control of the Devil. If
we are saved I am foreign territory to the Enemy. However, like the Philistines,
Satan's forces can move in and occupy territory inside us which becomes a
launching place for other piano helps. The "Habit Track" mentioned above relates
more directly with the "spiritual stronghold" inside us. Here I am referring
mostly to natural weak points which we have as a result of our genes,
temperament, and how we were raised. Weak points are areas where its easier
for the Devil to get us to sin.
4. ...since you will be tempted through your whole life. I do not
mean here that you will experience the same temptations through your life,
but that you will have some temptation all throughout life. Satan is not
so foolish as to repeatedly tempt you in an area where you have developed
a "habit track." Rather he moves on to other temptations which may be more
effective on you at this time. And when you have repeatedly defeated all
of his temptations topiano coversd acts of sin, he switches to attitudes, holding
back his best cannon of all for the final battle -- temptation to spiritual
pride. In this sense a particular temptation may cease, especially after
a victorious habit track is established, and you may go for years without
facing that temptation. However, the Devil never throws out his old card
file on you! Sometimes after you have totally defeated him on a particular
point, and years have passed without a single temptation in that area, the
Devil reissues an old temptation with such vengeance that it is as if you
have never overcome it in the first place.
5. There is a time to stay and fight, but there is also a time to run!
Consider the story of Joseph (Genesis 39). Here was a situation where
hanging around to resist could have been deadly. Running away from some
temptations -- even if you leave your coat behind -- is sometimes the best
strategy to stay out of sin.
________________________________________________________________
From: Money Sex & Spiritual Power by Keith Drury
keithdrury@aol.com
(c) 1992 Wesley Press
Only not-for-sale copying of this chapter is permitted. All other rights
reserved.
To purchase full book or leader's guide, call 1-800-4 WESLEY (1-800-493-7539)
_________________________________________________________________
Christians sometimes fall into sin. Thay don't have to, but they often do.
I'm not an old man, but I've been around long enough to learn a little bit
about why Christians do fall into sin. There are an number of ways to fall
into sin, but hare are three sure-fire ways to do it.
This is the easiest way to sin. Simply keep hanging around the person, place,
or thing that is tempting you. One fellow who had been delivered from alcohol
showed up at his pastor's home early one morning after an all-night drinking
binge. The story came out in slurred speech.
"Well, I was so happy that I felt no desire to drink that I parked my
car at my old hangout to see if I still had no desire to drink. sure enough,
I didn't, so I went inside and sat down to even further test this new found
strength. I held on and still didn't want a drink. So I ordered a drink and
sat it on the bar in front of me. The I crumbled. I had this overpowering
urge to drink -- so I did. One thing led to another, and now I am on a binge
again. I guess God didn't really deliver me after all, Preacher."
How like this drunk we are. Something inside us seems to make us want to
walk precariously on the edge of temptation. There are certain things --
perhaps books, magazines, or videos, or certain people and places -- which
seem to trip us up and head us in the wrong direction. Why do we keep hanging
around these tempting things?
Part of the reason is that Satan has tricked us into believing we are stronger
than we really are. We would rather stay near temptation and wrestle with
it than to run away. Perhaps we even get a thrill out of placing our heads
in the mouth of the Roaring Lion. We might escape unscathed. More likely,
we will wind up in the belly of the Tempter.
If you want to keep from falling into sin, don't hang around it. What temptation
do you hang around?
A Christian friend of mine fell into serious immorality a number of years
ago. As we counseled together, his only defense was the "I couldn't help
it -- it just happened."
Baloney! Sin doesn't "happen" to us as if we aere innocently walking along
and sin "happens" like a sudden rainstorm. Sin is a willful choice we make.
We are not helpless robots of our environment, desires, or glands. We are
free agents capable of choosing what we think, say, or do. If I act unkindly,
it is because I choose to act that way -- not because I have a headache.
If I choose to think unsavory thoughts, or pass along some tidbit of gossip,
it is because I choose to say or think those things -- not because God made
me a certain way.
If we want to overcome temptation we must lay aside all our excuses which
make sin less serious than it really is. This includes well-worn ones like,
"It's such a little thing," "Everyone does it," "I can't help it," and "That's
just the way I am." We can't get off the hook. Sin is a personal choice --
and no excuse will cover it.
If you want to keep from falling into sin, don't excuse it. Is there some
sin you are tempted to excuse?
Many of us are like the Kamikaze pilot who flew 33 missions -- we make a
good start but are unable to carry through. The problem: lack of accountability.
Each of us needs another believer who will check up on our spiritual life
now and then. I'm not talking about broablipasting our temptations all over
the congregation. I mean asking someone to hold us accountable for our promises
to God and to check up on our progress.
I adopted this practice of spiritual accountability too late in my life.
Fifteen years ago I struggled with severe temptation in desperate isolation,
sharing it with nobody in fear of what they would think. Now I know why...
it was pride. I was actually more concerned with what people thought of me
than I was about overcoming temptation.
Later I discovered the value of a "covenant friendship" where someone loved
me enough to hold me accountable in the areas of temptation and growth. What
a difference! No longer do I struggle alone.
If you want to keep from falling into sin, get an accountability partnet
and quit struggling alone. Who is your accountability partner?
As long as Satan is prince of this earth, believers will be tempted. In fact,
all he needs to do is to get us to hang around sin, excuse it, or struggle
against temptation alone and he may get you.
The good news is this: we do not have to sin. With good sense, and a lot
of God's grace, we can be victorious over the many devices of the devil.
It is actually possible to live obediently. It ought to be -- God has commanded
that you do it.
________________________________________________________________
From: Money Sex & Spiritual Power by Keith Drury
keithdrury@aol.com
(c) 1992 Wesley Press
Only not-for-sale copying of this chapter is permitted. All other rights
reserved.
To purchase full book or leader's guide, call 1-800-4 WESLEY (1-800-493-7539)
_________________________________________________________________
Accountability Commitments are cheap. Keeping commitments is expensive. How
often have you made a commitment, only to forget it within a few weeks? What
about that decision you made to have a Time Alone with God every day? What
about your promise to witness every week? Or, how about your promise to lose
15 pounds? Do you still remember that time you made a commitment to spend
more time with your kids? To date your mate? To quit wasting so much time
watching T.V.? To make restitution for something in your past? To become
a man or woman of prayer?
See what I mean? Commitments come easy...a raised hand, a short walk down
the aisle, or a written promise on a card -- you've made scores, perhaps
hundreds in your life.
But how many have you kept? All? Most? Many? Some? Unfortunately, most Christians
are lucky to have kept half their commitments. This is especially true of
youth and young adults. They are quick to make commitments, but slow to keep
them. This sets up a dreadful cycle of commitment, then failure, then repentance,
then a repeat commitment. Have you experienced this painful cycle? Have you
made a promise to God, trusting Him to change you? But within weeks, or even
days, you have fallen flat on your face. Then you repent promising the Lord
you'd obey all over again.
I believe younger people tend topiano coversd this cycle more than older people. Why?
Because older folk either get consistent victory or they give up. You see,
if you don't get victory in this constant cycle of commitment and failure,
eventually you'll simply quit making commitments. You will learn that every
time you promise God something, you only fail Him. Your mind and spirit can't
handle constant failure. Thus you'll simply quit trying...and you'll quit
making commitments to God.
I've seen entire churches who had quit making commitments. They are absolutely
impervious to the Holy Spirit's conviction. Powerful specific convicting
preaching doesn't rouse them a bit from their spiritual naps. They snooze
on, completely oblivious to God's spiritual alarm clock. They have programmed
themselves to ignore conviction. Hearing no conviction, they won't need to
make a commitment, which they have learned they cannot keep. Why is it that
youth and young adults populate the altars of churches and camps? Is it because
they have more sin in their lives than older people? Perhaps, but I doubt
it. It is because they keep trying. Younger people keep making commitments,
hoping they can keep them. Many older folk have given up.
So the question is, "How can we learn to keep our commitments to God and
others?" When it comes to being reliable in our word, many of us do poorly
with our families too. How about that job you've been promising your wife
you'd do around the house? What about that promise you made to your husband
to lose weight? Do you remember that trip to the amusement park you promised
your kids last summer? What ever happened to your commitment to get out of
debt? How about your goal of starting a systematic savings plan? The truth
is you can't be trusted. You often are simply not a "man of your word." Your
word is untrustworthy -- to God or your loved ones.
About a dozen years ago I discovered a group of busy Christian executives
who were weary of breaking promises to God and their families. They wanted
to change. So they decided to get together once a month and check up on each
other -- to make sure they did what they said they'd do. They would list
the things they intended to do during the upcoming month in their meetings.
Each fellow took notes on the others' commitments. Then when they met together
a month later each executive was asked how he'd done on his list. They decided
to handle each man with toughness -- if he hadn't kept his promises he would
be rebuked as untrustworthy. And he would be put on a corrective plan by
the others. These men started with simple things -- like fixing a broken
cabinet door in the kitchen or cleaning up the garage. It took several years
of meeting together before they felt they had adequately become "men of their
word." Man or woman, -- it is easier to make a commitment than to keep it.
These men discovered a little known secret of commitment keeping --
accountability. It is a most powerful secret to rescue you from the cycle
of promises-broken, promises- renewed. It is the best secret to becoming
a man or woman who says something and means it. It is the finest solution
to a life of constant defeat and failure. It is the right step for you to
take topiano coversd making commitments then keeping them. You don't have to live
with recurring procrastination. You no longer have to be satisfied with broken
promises to God and others. You can start on the road of becoming a man or
woman of your word -- when you make a commitment, you keep it.
I believe accountability was the great secret of the early Methodist movement.
John Wesley specified strict accountability in his "class meetings." Every
week each member was subjected to four questions on his personal sin,
temptations, victories, and struggles of the past week. The idea has come
in and out of popularity down through church history. I think it's interesting
that every time it falls into obscurity, holiness of life falters.
So what is accountability and how could you add it to your own practices
of personal disciplines? I've experienced five different kinds of accountability
so far. There are probably several other types of accountability. But, these
five have had a major impact on my commitment to live a life of holiness:
Mentor accountability was my first experience of someone "checking up" on
me -- monitoring my spiritual growth and holding me accountable for commitments.
As a college freshman I met Moses Yang, an older Indonesian student who walked
the holy life and loved God's Word. He took me under his wing and discipled
me. We met every day for three to five hours to study God's Word. He was
the first person to ever be tough on me spiritually. For most of my life,
if I made a commitment I could satisfy just about everyone. Moses wasn't
satisfied with commitment. He, like God, expected obedience. He would "check
up on me" every day. He would ask penetrating questions about my devotions,
my thoughts, my attitudes, even my dating relationships. I grew like springtime
hay. Sure, I got teased for my dedication and loyalty to Moses. Other students
called me a "Moses' disciple" or "little Moses," but this first experience
of tough accountability changed the direction of my life forever.
Mentor accountability is not usually two-way -- the mentor is the
"checker-upper." You place yourself under the spiritual authority of a person
you trust. You spiritually submit completely to their directions regarding
your spiritual growth. You agree to obediently follow their instructions.
It's sort of a dangerous thing -- what if they're wrong? But no accountability
at all is even more dangerous. Since that year as a freshman, I have been
on the other end of mentor accountability -- acting as the mentor. It was
frightening -- to have someone under my spiritual authority -- someone who
committed themselves to obedience to whatever I directed. I had thoughts
like, "Who am I to have this authority?" I wondered, "Shouldn't they be following
Jesus -- not me?" I'm not completely comfortable saying with Saint Paul,
"Follow me as I follow Christ." But I've done it anyway, a few times.
Becoming a parent helped. I realized that I was a spiritual mentor to my
two sons. These two boys are under my spiritual authority. They will do pretty
much what I say. (Well, I admit this is diminishing.) Once I realized my
role in mentor accountability with my sons, it became easier to accept this
role with others.
Nevertheless, I do not seek mentor accountability. It is an awesome
responsibility. But, periodically a desperate pastor comes to me whose life
is completely tangled up. He asks for my help and guidance through the mess.
When he offers himself in spiritual submission for a period of time, I usually
agree. I recognize there are other valid ways to help people. But mentor
accountability has been a powerful tool to help people break sinful habits,
restore breaking marriages, initiate holy disciplines, and sort out tangled
lives. Jesus didn't give advice, he gave commands. While I'm not Jesus, His
methods of helping people who are messed up appeal to me.
When I was about 26 years old I experienced group accountability for the
first time. A missionary friend and I started a cell group. It was designed
to have seven men who would meet once a week before breakfast. We would pray,
share insights from the Word, then have an accountability time. Just the
two of us met for the first few months. Then we both agreed on the third
person. The three of us met for awhile until we all felt directed topiano coversd
the fourth, and so on. It was a good plan and provided some great accountability
in a time of my life when I needed monitoring from older men.
I think it was the fifth or sixth man who doomed the group. He was a great
fellow, always encouraging everybody. Every time someone confessed shortcomings,
failures, or sin he would pour soothing platitudes all over the confession.
He would make some sort of a positive statement like, "No problem, all of
us struggle like that." Tough accountability disappeared. Eventually the
group faltered and died. I learned two lessons from this experience. Group
accountability is a powerful method to help me keep commitments, and it is
fragile and easily ruined.
Some of the most enjoyable accountability I've had is double-date accountability.
My wife and I meet with several other couples on a monthly or quarterly basis
for sharing and accountability. These double-dates are mostly fellowship
times, and the accountability isn't very tough, but there is a special power
in establishing accountability as a couple. This is especially true of
commitments in the area of marital harmony, romance, and child rearing. These
couples have changed throughout our life, though one couple has "lasted"
more than ten years. Sometimes the relationship shifts away from accountability
gradually. We've noticed that the closer your association is with the other
couple the harder it is to be tough on them.
Our best double-date accountability is with a couple we see only a few times
a year -- and both of us drive several hundred miles for an evening of spiritual
accountability. Double-date accountability has its limits. But it is a great
tool, especially in areas of family life accountability. It's also a good
start topiano coversd this next kind of accountability.
Talk about permanence! SpoBlipl accountability is the longest lasting of all.
If you are married, your spouse will be with you from now on. If you can
get the knack of spoBlipl accountability, you will have gained a dependable,
ever present "accountant" for life. After all, who knows you best, desires
your success the most, and loves you most deeply? Your lifetime yokemate.
But there is a knack to it. It doesn't come easily. A spouse can seem to
be nagging when they check up on you. And the submission you might easily
grant to another accountant may come hard for you to give to your mate. And,
of course, you can't expect your spouse to hold you accountable for how you
treat her or him. Again, there are some things a spouse can hold you accountable
for best, and others where your mate is a poor accountability partner.
Nevertheless, I have had systematic mutual accountability with my wife Sharon
for more than seven years now. It has brought us far closer together on a
spiritual level than any other one Christian discipline.
I believe that one-on-one accountability is the best all around method.
Admittedly, it is the hardest to arrange and probably the most difficult
to maintain. I think it is also the most effective. In one-on-one accountability
two people meet regularly and check up on each other's spiritual growth.
The meetings can be weekly, monthly, or at the least quarterly. It is a "class
meeting" with only two attending.
I've had one-on-one accountability several times in my life, and each time
was an apex of both spiritual growth and professional achievement. Just last
month I entered again into a new accountability contract with a man I hold
in very high esteem. It's a mutual covenant, so accountability will be both
ways. This covenant may not last for life, but it will make a difference
for the time being. Sometimes such a relationship comes and goes. After several
years of accountability, the sharp edge of toughness disappears. You become
better friends and worse accountants. You gain a best friend, and eventually
lose an accountant. I don't worry when this happens. I simply allow the
friendship to develop, and look elsewhere for accountability.
I see value in all five kinds of accountability. But I honestly believe nothing
will replace this hard-nosed, one-on-one accountability. If you only do one
kind of accountability, I believe one-on-one is your best shot.
If you don't have a regular one-on-one accountability in your life right
now I'll bet it's due to one of these three reasons: 1) You don't know who
to ask to be your partner; 2) You don't know what to do when you meet; or
3) You are guilty of procrastination -- you just haven't got around to
starting.
If you have determined you will have accountability (instead of saying "If
I find someone I'll do this"), you'll be a long shot ahead of the game. Decide
now you want to do this. Then go find the person. Once you've decided to
do it, make a list of all potential accountants. List every name you can
think of. Don't evaluate them, just list them. I had 14 names on such a list
once. Remember, don't judge their willingness or capabilities now, just get
ten or more names on your list. Once you've got your ten names set the list
aside. Let it "marinate" for a few weeks. As you go about your regular routine
think over the names and see which ones the Lord seems to lead topiano coversd. Two
or three will start to surface as the best possibilities. Prayerfully consider
these names until one emerges as the first choice.
Now, make an appointment to talk with your primary choice, perhaps for lunch.
Take a sheet of "Accountability Questions," so you can explain what you are
wanting to do. Be detailed in your description of what you are asking. An
example of what you might say is:
"I've felt the need for someone to meet with on a regular basis to check
up on my spiritual progress...you know, how I am overcoming sin and growing
as a Christian. I've been thinking about several people but you kept coming
to my mind. I'm not asking you to give me an answer today. I just want you
to think about it. If you'd agree to be my "accountability partner" here's
what we would do.
"We'd meet regularly...either monthly or quarterly, depending on what works
best. Perhaps we'd meet for breakfast or lunch, or something like that. You
would hold me accountable for some commitments I've made and for some goals
I've set. For instance, this sheet here has some of the kinds of questions
I would want you to ask me every time -- things like how much time I waste
looking at T.V. or how well I've been doing at my daily Time Alone With God.
That sort of thing. Not all these questions -- just a few each time...and
then you'd keep asking some, even after I was victorious in an area, just
to make sure I don't slip back.
"Plus, see this section here at the bottom on the back? I'd be writing down
some goals each time we meet which I'd want you to hold me accountable for
accomplishing. It's so much easier for me to set goals than to take the nitty
gritty steps to achieve them. I need someone to be tough on me to make sure
I take action topiano coversd my goals. Some of these goals would be simple things
like getting my garage organized or losing weight. And some of them might
be professional goals like taking a class or reading a certain number of
books. This wouldn't be a time for you to encourage me or to sympathize with
my failures. Frankly, I need someone to be pretty tough on me. I tend to
be lazy, and sometimes I ignore my spiritual commitments and goals.
"This is what I'm asking you to think about, holding me accountable for my
spiritual life and goals. I'm asking you to be my "accountant." If you're
interested, I could do the same for you -- we would be mutually accountable.
But that would be up to you.
"Well, that's it. Think about it, don't decide now. I'm asking for something
pretty big. Kick it around in your mind a bit, and see if you really want
to do this. If you do, call me by the end of next week. If you don't call
me that'll be fine, I'll find someone else. But, if you want to join together
in this relationship, just give me a call."
Once you've explained what you want back off. Don't pressure. Avoid
saying something like, "I've been praying about this for several weeks and
God has told me that you are the man." A partner recruited by this kind of
pressure won't last. Simply explain what you are looking for and then turn
your conversation to other things. Have a nice time of fellowship over the
rest of your lunch.
If your first choice doesn't call in a week or two, go on down your list
to other names. I bet you'll find an accountant before you've worked through
five or six people, certainly before ten or fifteen.
So, now you know who to ask. And you even have some ideas on how to ask
them.
Accountability meetings are simple. You don't need an order of worship or
an agenda. You do the same things every time. Begin with your partner asking
specific questions on your spiritual life. After these specific questions,
move topiano coversd general accountability -- questions you want asked every time.
Finally close with checking up on specific goals you've established. Then,
as you gain experience together, add your own ideas. This three-point outline
is not inspired, but it's a good place to begin. Later you can expand and
revise your own outline as you go along. The outline:
Several questions your accountant asks which you have listed the last time
you met. If you use a checklist, he will simply ask the questions you've
checked off or written in the last time you met. These are specific areas
you want checked up on. They are measurable questions like, "How many days
have you had Time Alone with God since we last met?" Next you give your honest
report. (Obviously dishonesty is a time blip in any accountability relationship.)
If your report is one of faithfulness and progress your partner serves up
affirmation, praise, commendation, or grants you a verbal tribute, salute
or applause. However if you report failure, shortfalling, and sin he lovingly
serves up a reprimand, piano coversning, scolding, reproof, rebuke or a good old fashioned
chewing out. Not that these sessions are mostly negative -- it's just that
obedience is not a trivial matter.
Following the specific questions move to a set of general questions you'll ask every time. John Wesley's Four Questions for class meetings are good models:
A. What known sins have you committed since we last met? If there is such, what shall we do about it?
B. What temptations have you faced?
C. How were you delivered from these temptations?
D. What have you thought, said, or done, of which you are uncertain whether it was sin or not?
Wind up by reporting on your goals. You list these the meeting before. Sometimes
these are major goals which can't be accomplished in a week or month and
your accountant is checking on your progress. At other times they are smaller
goals which you intend to accomplish before you meet again. Here the partner
may help you with a plan, or a redefinition of your goals. But still the
relationship must be one of toughness.
Then you switch roles...now it's your turn! You go over the same outline
with your partner if it's mutual accountability. That's all there is to it.
Mark down next meeting's date and close with prayer.
It's not that hard, is it? Here is a clear pattern to copy. Get started and
later you'll develop your own systems to meet particular needs. This outline
is good enough to begin with.
Maybe you already knew who to ask, and you knew what to do in an accountability
meeting. Then why haven't you started? I suspect procrastination is the most
common excuse. Your intentions are good -- you plan to do it some day. Some
day. You just haven't gotten around to it.
Your procrastination clearly indicates your desperate need for accountability.
Procrastination is probably why you don't keep your other commitments and
promises. I doubt that you've ever really intended to walk away from your
promises. You just never got around to keeping them. You procrastinated.
What is the remedy for procrastination? Accountability. But if you are a
procrastinator, you are probably procrastinating on taking the cure. So you
fully intend to have accountability, but because you don't take the next
steps to begin, you are stuck in a quagmire of failure and broken promises.
Procrastinators especially need accountability. Accountability is the antidote
for this disorder of your will. It may be your only hope of survival.
Accountability could save you from the road "paved with good intentions."
Accountability can get you beyond goal setting to really accomplishing your
goals. Accountability can take you beyond commitment to genuine spiritual
life change. Accountability can guide you beyond good intentions to actually
doing what you intended to do. Accountability can make you into "a man of
your word."
Action breaks the bindings of procrastination. So, start now. Do something.
As soon as you lay down this article. Go ahead, break the shackles of
procrastination by taking action. The reason you have become such a
procrastinator is your habit of reading or listening to great ideas you'd
like to do, but never taking action on them. It's time to change all that.
Today.
You can discover this great secret of keeping your commitments. Then you'll
be able to teach others this secret. Don't let this be one more great idea
you decide to do some day. Strike while the iron is hot. Take action while
you are still hungering for this Christian discipline.
Is there any good reason why you shouldn't start making your list of prospective
accountability partners right now?
1987 Keith Drury. May be copied to share with a friend.
ACCOUNTABILITY QUESTIONS
Select the questions you want to be asked in your next meeting by your
"accountant." Beyond these, he or she may ask any others which may be productive
for your spiritual growth.
I. 75 Specific Accountability Questions.
___1. Have you had daily Time Alone With God since we last met?
___2. How many Days Alone With God have you taken?
___3. Have your thoughts been pure and free from lust?
___4. Have you dated your spouse every week?
___5. Have you taken a day off each week?
___6. Have you had a daily debriefing time with your spouse?
___7. Is there anyone against whom you are holding a grudge?
___8. Is there any emotional attachment with someone of the opposite sex
which could develop dangerously?
___9. With whom could such an attachment develop in the future?
___10. Have you given unselfishly to your mate's needs?
___11. Are there any unresolved conflicts with your mate?
___13. How often have you had family altar since we last met?
___14. How often have you shared your faith? When? What happened?
___15. How much time have you spent with your children? Doing what?
___16. Have you spread falsehoods about another -- slander?
___17. Have you hurtful truth about another --gossip?
___18. Do you have any unmade restitutions?
___19. Are you discipling you child? Mate? How? When?
___20. Is your practice of journaling up to date?
___21. How much have you fasted since we last met?
___22. Have you had nightly prayers with your spouse?
___23. Report on your memorizing & meditating on scripture.
___24. How are you improving in your relationship with your mate?
___25. Is there a brother you should try to restore from sin?
___26. When did you last give a thoughtful gift to your mate?
___27. In what ways have you been tempted to be proud?
___28. How have you given to the needy since we last met?
___39. How much time have you wasted watching T.V.?
___30. What about questionable movies, magazines, or videos?
___31. Are you completely out of installment debt?
___32. How are you avoiding materialism?
___33. Have you exaggerated or lied since we last met?
___34. Have you been able to ignore carnal, complaining, petty people?
___35. What spiritual growth books have you read since we met?
___36. Of what are you afraid? How will you defy this fear?
___37. How have you played "Team Ball" with others since we last met?
___38. Have you had a critical spirit since we last met?
___39. In what special ways have you shown love to your mate?
___40. Have you been fully submissive to authority?
___41. Who is it that you are tempted to envy, or be jealous of?
___42. Is there any believer with whom you are out of harmony?
___43. Who are you discipling and mentoring? How?
___44. Was there a time when your love for God was hotter?
___45. How have you attempted to make peace between others?
___46. Have you taken anything not belonging to you, large or small?
___47. What sexual sin have you been most tempted to commit?
___48. Have you a practice which may be a stumbling block to others?
___49. Have you avoided outbursts of anger or rage?
___50. About what have you been inclined to boast?
___51. Have you been tempted to give up? How? Why?
___52. How have you clarified your life's mission since we last met?
___53. Have you avoided fighting, quarreling, dissension, and factions?
___54. How have you shown enduring patience since we last met?
___55. Have you avoided obscenity, foolish talk, and course jokes?
___56. In what ways have you been tempted to greed?
___57. Have you selfish ambition? How pure is your desire to achieve?
___58. Is there hate, malice, or ill will in your heart for anyone?
___59. Is there any sin, inpiano coversd or outpiano coversd, which has dominion over you so
that you are habitually falling in this area?
___60. How have you expressed thanksgiving to God and others?
___61. How have you shown submission and respect to your husband?
___62. How have you shown love and tenderness to your wife?
___63. Have you frivolously wasted words since we last met?
___64. Have you participated in fruitless arguments?
___65. Do you have you a teachable spirit?
___66. Have you shown favoritism topiano coversd the rich or powerful? How?
___67. In what way have you launched out in faith since we last met?
___68. Have you abused your power over others? How?
___69. Have you deceitfully manipulated people for your own benefit?
___70. Have you been guilty of worry, anxiety, or distrust of God?
___71. In what ways have you shown brotherly kindness?
___72. Is there any sin of another which you have come to tolerate?
___73. How have you sought opportunities to serve, listen, and help?
___74. How have you cared for the needy since we last met?
___75. To whom did you show Christ's love since we last met? How?
___76.
___77.
___78.
___79.
___80.
II. John Wesley's "Four Questions" for weekly class meetings.
___A. What known sins have you committed since we last met? If there is such,
what shall we do about it?
___B. What temptations have you faced?
___C. How were you delivered from these temptations?
___D. What have you thought, said or done, of which you are uncertain whether
it was sin or not?
III. GOALS -- To be held accountable for.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
________________________________________________________________
From: Money Sex & Spiritual Power by Keith Drury
keithdrury@aol.com
(c) 1992 Wesley Press
Only not-for-sale copying of this chapter is permitted. All other rights
reserved.
To purchase full book or leader's guide, call 1-800-4 WESLEY (1-800-493-7539)
_________________________________________________________________
A daily time alone with God has always come hard for me. I don't mean that
I ignore this spiritual discipline, it's just that a bit of time each morning
is not good enough for me.
It takes me a full half hour just to quiet down enough to really get serious
with God. I knew I needed to spend more time with Him, and my morning devotions
were sort of like an "invocation" -- a nice thing to do each morning, but
not really a serious effort at spirituality. It was my way of saying, "Well,
Lord, here I am again; I'm still on Your side, and I pray You'll bless all
the things I'm going to do for You today -- well, gotta go now and do
them."
I struggled with this thing for several years, finally concluding that what
I needed to do was spend more time each day. I figured I could get up at
5:00 a.m. or so and spend a full hour or two with the Lord each day. Now,
this is a good idea, and it works admirably for some, but it didn't work
for me. The problem was my schedule -- most of the time it is so messed up
that a regular time was impossible. Half of the time my schedule was under
the control of other people -- hosts, ministerials, conventions, camps, and
conferences. Though it works for many people, the "early to rise" solution
didn't work for me. Yet I was still gravely dissatisfied with the time I
set apart for pure devotion to God.
Then a new thought struck. What if this was my wife I was trying to develop
a deeper relationship with? I've never come from a conference and sat down
with my wife to say, "I'm not satisfied with the depth of our relationship.
Let's get up at 5:00 a.m. each morning and talk with each other." (We have
a pretty good marriage, but I'm not sure it could sustain this!) Sure, I
daily and systematically express my love and devotion to Sharon through little
actions and words. We even set apart a "debriefing" time each day to catch
up on each other's lives.
But I realized the thing that really made the priority statement to her was
our "family days." In my thirties I began the practice of writing a big,
large "F" on several days each month, designating them as "family days."
These days were set aside to sneak away with Sharon, go on a walk, lazy around
and share deeply with each other, and to spend the evening with the kids.
They weren't highly organized or scheduled days, just days with which I would
not allow anything to in to over-schedule. During these days we spend large
amounts of time just sharing together about our developing lives and
relationships with each other, the children, the church and God.
The parallel to my spiritual life was stunning to me. My daily time alone
with God was important, to be sure. But what was lacking in my relationship
with the Lord were large blocks of time dedicated exclusively to the development
of our relationship.
Then I remembered an idea a friend of mine had shared a year or so earlier.
Dwight, a successful youth pastor, told how he scheduled "blackout days."
He shared how he took a black marker pen and literally blackened out an entire
day from his calendar making it impossible to schedule anything else on that
day. He had dedicated these days to developing his relationship with the
Lord. The seed of this idea, which had been sitting back there for a year
now began to sprout. I decided I needed a whole day to spend alone with God
for the sake of our developing relationship.
When I first began this discipline, I would set apart this day "as I needed
it." When things got particularly frustrating, when I sensed my spiritual
batteries were drained low, or when I faced an upcoming major spiritual
challenge, I would slip away for a day alone with God. These days had such
an influence on my life that I finally began scheduling them on a monthly
basis. Here are some of the things I have learned about establishing the
discipline of a periodic DAWG - "Day Alone With God."
When the weather is good, I like to go outside for my day alone with God.
When I first began I still had children around the house all day. I would
often do to a state park about fifteen miles from my home where I spent the
day in the wooded area beside a large lake. I can't sit very long for anything,
so being out of doors gives me an opportunity to get up and "walk and pray"
when I got tired of sitting. Since I often take my DAWG during the week,
a city park was my backup plan. There was a softball field which is completely
abandoned through the week, and I would sometimes spend my day alone with
God just outside the right field fence.
In the winter time, it was harder. There was a retreat center just an hour
from my home which I used some during cold days. I have a friend in Michigan
who uses the Primary age Sunday school classroom. (He says no one ever goes
in a Primary Sunday School classroom during the week!) A pastor friend of
mine spends his day alone with God in a parishioner's summer cottage which
is graciously provided for him. I know one mother of a preschooler who drops
her child off at a baby-sitter and takes off a half day at her own home each
month for this discipline. Years ago I met a man in Pennsylvania who actually
constructed a "prophet's chamber" up in the woods behind his house where
he could spend his day alone with God. Seeing that "Prophet's chamber" long
ago gave me a hidden dream -- to have one for myself. After more than a decade
of moving from place to place for my DAWG my dream was fulfilled. A boy we
taught in our midweek group years ago grew up to be a contractor and offered
to build a farmhouse for us on our country land near Indianapolis. I shared
my dream for some sort of attic hideaway for a DAWG and his face lit up.
"I'll build it for you, let it up to me." He did, and I now have my own little
heated hideaway tucked away in our attic. To have a reliable place makes
this discipline much easier.
Let your imagination fly and think of the kind of place you could spend your
DAWG. Before I had my "upper room" I even spend some entire days in my
automobile. There a certain seclusion, privacy, and intimacy in automobile
that's hard to find elsewhere. Maybe that sounds weird to you, but the question
is, where could you go for a DAWG?
1. Bible - Obviously, if you only take one thing, this is it.
2. Colored pencils/pens - I have found the absolute best time to do Bible marking is on a DAWG.
3. Note pad or paper - To jot down your insights.
4. Concordance - I usually forget this, but I generally regret not having it.
5. Lawn chair - If you're going to be outside.
6. Tape player - Occasionally edifying and worshipful music sets the mood for my DAWG.
7. A book or two - But be careful not to make the whole day a book-reading day.
8. Sweater or jacket - If you are an active person, sitting around most of the day usually gives you a chill.
9. Spiritual life notebook - To note insights and prayers records.
One thing you do not want to take is paperwork. If you're anything like me,
you will almost always choose spiritual work over spiritual devotion. I love
to produce, produce, produce. I generally measure the success of my day with
"how much I got done." That's why I have to wrestle so much to get myself
to do spiritual and devotional things. So I have to leave my work at the
office or I find myself gravitating to my "to do" list and away from relationship
development with the Lord.
There are only two exceptions I allow to this. First, I take a note pad,
and when I think of something I need to do, I write it down and get it out
of my mind. Second, if I am developing a vision for my ministry or planning
my year's activity, I do this on my DAWG. I want these sorts of things to
grow out of a time of devotion.
One other thing I often do not take is any sort of watch or clock. I am such
a time-conscious person that I keep checking up to see "how I'm doing" throughout
the day. It's better for me if I simply give the whole day to the Lord until
dark.
This is the perfect time to read great blocks of Scripture. Most of our Bible
reading is in short spurts. We don't read anything else that way -- just
the Bible. A DAWG gives us the chance to read entire books of the Bible,
which is how they were meant to be read. Usually you can read a book through
several times in one day, allowing its message and truth to saturate you
in such a way as "snippet reading" never will. I always read with a pencil
so I can scribble all over the margins. If my mind begins to wander or clog
up, I read out loud. This usually focuses my thoughts back on the scripture
in front of me. Once in a while, a topical study is fun to do. But I have
to be careful not to use this time to prepare Sunday school lessons or a
message. It is for me and God.
Sometimes fasting will focus your spiritual energies more intensely. But
if "visions of sandwiches dance in your head," fasting could actually divert
your interest away from relationship development with the Lord. You must
do what is best for you.
Obviously the whole day is set aside to develop your relationship with the
Lord. That means reading His Word, talking to Him, and listening to Him.
I intersperse my Scripture reading with prayer. When my mind begins to wear
out on Scripture reading, I spend a chunk of time chatting with the Lord.
This is not a time for formal, fancy, cathedral-type praying. It is a time
to be honest, frank, and simple in communication with God. It is a time for
open confession, worshipful adoration, grateful thanksgiving, bold requests,
and committed surrender.
When it's just you and God, the pauses in your prayer don't really matter.
A DAWG is a perfect time to develop an extensive prayer list and pray through
it. Unless you are a professional monk, you probably can't daily pray through
all of the requests you have thought of. But a periodic DAWG allows for a
more systematic approach to a longer list of prayer requests.
I don't know if you're like me, but I can't do anything without eventually
writing something down. And I have found that unless I write it down, it
is somehow incomplete. If you have fallen behind on your spiritual life journal,
your DAWG is a perfect time to catch up.
Even if you never keep a journal, try keeping one only on your DAWG's over
the next few years. Write down what's happening in your spiritual life. Write
down your reflections on trials you are going through. Write down the temptations
you are now facing and how you plan to overcome them. Write down people who
have had major influence in your life. Make a list of the people whom you
are probably influencing in their spiritual life. Write out your personal
commitments to the Lord between this day and your next DAWG. Write letter
to your spouse or someone else, sharing important matters with them. Write
an evangelistic letter to some unsaved person. Write down scriptural truths
which jumped out at you today. The chances are you'll remember most what
you have written down.
Most of us fail miserably at this spiritual discipline. Part of the reason
is we try to cram it in along with everything else we're doing in our busy
schedules. Setting aside an entire DAWG allows you to add a new scripture
to your stock. It is completely feasible to memorize ten verses on one of
these days, and remember it the rest of your life.
I use this word in both of its meanings. First, meditate on scripture --
that is, turn it over and over again in your mind thinking on it, like a
cow chews its cud. Second, meditate in the sense of just plain
relaxing/resting/thinking about nothing. If you are really exhausted, you
might even doze off for awhile. Don't worry about this; just fall asleep
with God's thoughts on your mind, and wake up the same way. During these
times of quiet listening God often reveals His will to me. Perhaps you are
a better listener asleep than when you are awake!
A DAWG can be a spiritual dynamo in your life. In the hectic rushed schedule
of "doing God's work," it is so easy to allow our spiritual energy to drain
out. An entire day blocked out each month to develop that close relationship
with God, recharging your spiritual batteries is a great secret to keeping
your spiritual edge. My only regret is that I did not discover this secret
much sooner in my Christian walk.
What about you? Does taking an entire day off for "devotions" seem extreme?
Or would you like to try this a few times? If you did, where could you go?
When could you have your first day? Maybe even a half-day? If you don't start
now, at about what age would you like to try this discipline?
________________________________________________________________
From: Money Sex & Spiritual Power by Keith Drury
keithdrury@aol.com
(c) 1992 Wesley Press
Only not-for-sale copying of this chapter is permitted. All other rights
reserved.
To purchase full book or leader's guide, call 1-800-4 WESLEY (1-800-493-7539)
_________________________________________________________________
Sharon is a morning person. She cheerfully pops out of bed every day, German
blood coursing through her veins, with thoughts of projects to start, devotions
to begin, and work to get done. Not me. I start in low gear.
To tease me about my morning laziness she once got a button announcing "SOMETIMES
I WAKE UP GROUCHY," underneath were the tiny words "AND SOMETIMES I LET HIM
SLEEP."
I've always been a night owl. Morning people sing in the shower... even before
breakfast! I started each day with several refrains of the snooze button.
Eventually I'd grumpily stumble out of bed, stagger to the living room and
collapse on the couch for a few more precious minutes sleep.
Morning people disgusted me... especially their nauseating cheerfulness in
the most gloomy part of the day. Cheerfulness seemed inappropriate in the
morning -- like laughter at a funeral. Cheerful morning people seemed sick.
Worse yet, morning people have this air of superiority... as if night owls
are inferior and undisciplined. You know, "Hi Ho, Hi Ho it's off to devotions
we go." Their favorite verse is "Early will I seek him" and they like to
tell night owls how they always "start off the day right" with the Lord.
Night owls are lucky to get through a blurry devotional time without falling
back asleep.
All this makes the night owl life rather miserable. Does anybody ever drive
by a pastor's home at 2 a.m. and remark "Now there's a disciplined preacher
-- probably reading his Bible." No. At 2 a.m. they figure you're watching
the late show. But if they come by at 5:30 a.m. and see the lights on, they
say "Saw the preacher up early this morning -- boy he's sure a hard worker."
Unfair! I actually heard of one night owl pastor who rigged up a timer so
the lights in his study would go on early, just to impress his farming
community!
I always felt my genes got crossed up. I figured I was born this way. Writers
are infamous for being night owls, so I accepted it as "just me." Then I
got to know a well known author I really respected. He was a night owl who
said he'd become a morning person. I wondered, "Could I become a morning
person?"
It can be done! Since then I have actually become a morning person. It did
not come easily or quickly. The process took several years. But I can testify
that it is possible for night owls to become morning persons. If you really
want to. Do you hate mornings, and really want to change? Here's how.
If you want to become a morning person merely to be considered more disciplined
and improve your image you probably won't make it. Or if morning people have
imposed guilt on you so much that you're ready to buckle in, that is probably
not enough motivation. Doing this for personal professional reasons may not
be enough to get you changed. You need God's help. Changing with God's help
is hard enough. Without His help, change comes harder, maybe even not at
all.
However, if you sense a spiritual conviction about the whole thing, your
chance of actually changing multiplies. Do you believe God wants you to change?
That's the first question.
People are probably not born night owls or morning persons. (Though there
may be a gene which inclines us to it.) Regardless of your born inclination
to stay up late and grouch in the morning, somewhere along the line you developed
the entrenched habits of a night owl. An inclination does not make a destiny.
You had to "get into the habit" of acting on your inclination to form a life
pattern.
When did your owlish habit start? Recall your childhood bedtime habits. How
about high school? College? Scrutinize how you've reinforced the night owl
habit through the years. Even if you believe your owlishness was a birth
trait, confess the habit as an adopted one. In other words, as long as you
claim "I was just born this way" you'll never change. But, once you agree
that you don't have to act on any sort of inclination you were born with,
then you have moved one giant step topiano coversd being changed.
I don't need discipline in getting up -- it is in going to bed that I need
discipline. I have always hated to end the day. I'm always wanting to complete
one more letter, jot down one more idea, write more chapter, watch one more
TV show, have one more... This lack of discipline at night was half my problem.
Once I learned to stick to a bedtime hour, even if I didn't fall asleep right
away, getting up in the morning became possible.
Pick a sensible time to get up and stick to it -- every day. Totally abandon
sleeping in even on your day off. Set your alarm permanently for your rising
time and place the alarm out of reach so you can't use the snooze button.
If you absolutely must "catch up" on your sleep (most sleep experts say you
can't) do it in the afternoons -- but for six months straight never sleep
in during the morning hours. Never. Sleeping in is the equivalent of an alcoholic
going on a "binge." All of last week's gains can be lost in one morning.
However, Be realistic in setting your rising time. Many of my own attempts
to change failed because of unrealistic expectations. I'd hear about Martin
Luther or John Wesley and feel condemned about my morning laziness. If John
Wesley could get up at 4:00 a.m. I should do it too. So I'd set my alarm
for 4:00 a.m. with great plans to start the day with several hours of powerful
prayer. Too much change too quickly. In a week or two my plans had fizzled.
It is much better to start with a realistic time and stick to it. After a
year or so at that time, you can then shave off a half hour of sleep the
next year. The point here is to set a sensible goal then stick with it until
it becomes habitual.
C'mon. You remember what we say to new Christians about feelings. Apply that
thinking here. If you go on feelings, you'll give up quickly. Feeling like
a morning person -- literally feeling cheery and motivated when you get up
-- is the result of years of habit. Start with behavior -- get up early.
As you repeat the behavior it will eventually become a habit. When the habit
is ingrained you will actually become a morning person. Finally, after the
habit is "second nature" the feelings will come... only then do you actually
experience morning person sensations. For now, forget feelings -- work on
the habit.
One of the reasons you are not a morning person is that you have told yourself
that so long. Your attitude topiano coversd mornings is a result of years of "self
hypnosis" -repeatedly telling yourself and others "I'm not a morning person."
You've said it so often that you automatically act like it. Hating mornings
is now so much a part of your self identity you can be nothing but a
morning-hater. Being a night owl is part of your very persona. You hear a
pre-recorded message every morning.
To change this you must record a new message in the morning section of your
psyche. You must reprogram your mind. You do that through self-affirmation
-- what you repeatedly say to yourself and others.
Begin telling yourself "I'm becoming a morning person." Announce it to others
too. As you start your new behaviors, and they become habits, change your
self-affirmation to "I am a morning person. Watch this simple self-talk begin
to change your attitude topiano coversd mornings. I felt silly doing this at first.
I'd stagger out of bed and mumble sarcastically "I'm a morning person." I
even put a little card on my dresser for a while: "Good morning, morning
person." But, silly as it was, I was indeed becoming just that. Eventually
I was able to reprogram my attitude topiano coversd mornings. As long as you keep
telling yourself you are what you are, you'll never become anything more.
If you really want to become a morning person, pick a good time to begin.
Since becoming a morning person is essentially a habit, laying down a new
rut takes time and persistence. Don't start during Christmas vacation, or
the week you are leading a overnighter with the youth group or serving as
a counselor at youth camp. Pick a six week period when you can stick consistently
with your new habits every day.
Most habits take a minimum of six weeks to get started, plus another five
months to develop it as a lifetime permanent change. In any behavioral or
attitude change, most defeats occur during the first six weeks. Pick the
right period of time to start.
In my thirties I got a chance to do a traveling tour with several friends
including Lee Haines and David Keith. Both of these men seemed to be in a
contest to prove who could get up earliest. I had traveled with David Keith
for years and was always shocked by his refBlipl to set an alarm clock --
even if we were leaving at 4: a.m. "Oh, I'll be awake" he would insist.
Impossible! But he would be. Lee Haines was just as bad. He was one of those
types who got up and walked a couple miles at dawn or before. Both men even
ate breakfast. How disgusting to me at the time -- they actually put food
in their stomachs before noon! As they rattled about in the room in the pre-dawn
hours I would groan then roll over for a few more hours sleep and a more
decent hour.
I talked to Lee Haines once about my morning groaning period. He promised
that as I got older, waking up would get easier. Most older people agree
with this. So, if you are young, and want to become a morning person -- you
could simply wait until you reach the 50's and your problem may solve
itself.
I couldn't wait. I decided to become a morning person before it happened
naturally. So I followed the above regimen. I can honestly now say "I'm a
morning person." I too can now savor the sweet sensations morning people
have when they have finish several important tasks while their neighbors
are still asleep. Now I too can bask in the feelings of spiritual success
in morning prayers before many folk have even awakened.
Admittedly, this teaching isn't for everyone. If you are a morning person,
all this seems so elementary. For others the idea is totally unattractive.
I taught college students several years. this idea about as alluring as a
chapter on "How to enjoy eating dead cats." Most collegians can't imagine
why an individual might even want to be a morning person.
But many adults are stuck in their collegian era. I was for years. Then I
decided I could change, with God's help. Do you want to change? You can if
you really want to. Especially if you think God wants you to change. However,
if you really believe that "This is just the way I am," you think there's
nothing wrong with it, and you have no desire to change... well, then you
are stuck with being what you are.
Perhaps you are wondering by now why I would waste the final chapter of thhis
book on becoming a morning person?
I didn't. This chapter, and this book, is about change... any change. Forget
becoming a morning person for the moment. What change do you need? Are you
saying "This is just who I am" about something in your life? Are you saying
"I was born with this?" Is God talking to you about changing some pattern,
habit, desire, or thought pattern in your life?
How do you need to change? How will God help you do it?
________________________________________________________________
From: Money Sex & Spiritual Power by Keith Drury
kdrury@indwes.edu
(c) 1992 Wesley Press
Only not-for-sale copying of this chapter is permitted. All other rights
reserved.
_________________________________________________________________
I hope you enjoyed this electronic copy of the book Money Sex and Spiritual Power . If you did, and would like to have a permanent printed copy for your shelf, or for a Sunday school class to study, just give Wesley Press a call at 1-800-4 WESLEY (1-800-493-7539) to talk to one of those nice people to find out if they have a sale going on right now. Wesley Press also has a nice leader's guide written for each book, the leader's guide for this book is written by Sharon Drury, Keith's wife. Enjoy! --
Keith Drury